I Wanted to Wait

For you
I would have done anything
passed the end
stopped at the beginning

Reoccurring words to One who listens.

These words
which always seem to fail me
in these ever passing
ever present
moments of feeling and reason,

It is with these words
that I try in vain
to extend 
an apology
an explanation
and end my curse
of ice-olation:

I held on
and I clenched
unknowing of my intensity
unaware of my smothering

I fought
because I believed in You
deeply
because it felt so true

And I see how
now
these acts and fits
of rage and passion
brought out by
both of our actions
drove us
into dark unfathomability.

And I realize
that I cannot take away
past reactions
broken relations
cutting words
or manic situations.

All I can do is show
that I loved
that I learned
that I got burned
I embrace each new day
and every painful mistake
that had You in it.

I wanted to tell You
I want You to know too, that
I wanted to wait.
I wanted
to wait

to wait

wait



now it's too late.