Unentitled

For as long as I can remember
My whole life
Has been a struggle.
Nothing was given
or came easy.
I had to fight.
I learned to survive.
And I saw life as not living
For enjoyment
But as something that was
Endured.

Love was a condition
Which felt more like a symptom-
Of some sick and twisted
Mental disease.
Crisis was normal-
Aversion,
Withdrawal,
I grew like the roots
Of the bonsai tree.
Stability unknown
The boat forever rocking
Violently.

My balance was found in that
Tumultuous turbulence
Tearing and tugging
Down deeper
Where my thoughts
And feelings
Were locked up
And blocked up
Until now.

Now
My life
Is by no means easy,
But in the past few moments
It has become more steady.
I worked hard
And have learned
That I have earned this environment of
Peace.

But inside I still feel
Vertigo
Calming blues blasted with
Indigo
My boat on placid waters
still rocks like the dark stormy seas.
I dizzy
I tangle
I crash
I mangle
And move in the motion of the bonsai trees.

Although I may be
a little crazy
an odd character
I am not done growing
I know very little.

Inner peace will exist.