Losing

Steeped
of a feeling,
one that does not fade
but evolves with me.

In five years time
you were supposed to have realised
that 'I was the one
you wanted to be with'
and
in that five years time
I was supposed to tell you to fuck off,
I'm not waiting.

I said it
I cut that cord, indeed..

but the cord feels more like a
vine growing
into and onto itself.

Bloated
of a feeling...

I am ashamed in many ways
that your big white elephant
has become my shadow,
and ponder over the last time-
violent-
Admitting my fight
to win you was a force driving us
300 miles into a tree.

I didn't know any other way.

Admitting that nearly killed me
(and no that is not an exaggeration)
Admitting somehow that I want you
to read all of it
and be moved by it
to perhaps yeild
and give me closure.


In five years time
I was supposed to, but
I only know the feeling.

You win.