Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Losing

Steeped
of a feeling,
one that does not fade
but evolves with me.

In five years time
you were supposed to have realised
that 'I was the one
you wanted to be with'
and
in that five years time
I was supposed to tell you to fuck off,
I'm not waiting.

I said it
I cut that cord, indeed..

but the cord feels more like a
vine growing
into and onto itself.

Bloated
of a feeling...

I am ashamed in many ways
that your big white elephant
has become my shadow,
and ponder over the last time-
violent-
Admitting my fight
to win you was a force driving us
300 miles into a tree.

I didn't know any other way.

Admitting that nearly killed me
(and no that is not an exaggeration)
Admitting somehow that I want you
to read all of it
and be moved by it
to perhaps yeild
and give me closure.


In five years time
I was supposed to, but
I only know the feeling.

You win.






Thursday, December 15, 2011

Incapable of Being Friends

To know
to exist with
and to understand
one another
has penetrated so deep
that the bonds of friendship cannot contain it

All of the apologies
that one can create

All of the excuses
that one can fabricate
will never surmount
to to the impact

That felt this

A melody
A memory
distorted with time
only accessible by
what is chosen to put on display
Is the contact now
that is shared

Understanding
as much as possible

friendship is inconceivable

Late beers
with the pretties surrounding this night
for now
they will do.

For now
don't think of you.

Satisfaction is becoming more
unattainable

It's all tumbled into one thing
the feeling

(losing)

That feeling (losing) is not yours to

blame

alone

Years
still linger.

You grow.

Wanting to know
who you have become

wondering if it is capable to love.







Sunday, December 11, 2011

Letter to the Scientist

With all due respect,

It is
obvious
now

to see how
silent
distant
admiration
for your work
was the most effective method.

Because after careful research compelled
letters and numbers
to join into an
over the counter conversation
inquiring about the exchange,
led to
this-

a question of sincere intrigue
responding with misinterpretations,

hypothesizes and theories
unresolved and undetermined

unstable equations

and abnormal behaviors...

there is little
left
to fill in the

wide
        questions left unanswered
open
       wondering
spaces.
     
It is speculated that,
lack of interest
was the reason for your leaving
the investigation.

The conclusions that
you came to concerning the matter
alone, without any input
will never be found out.

The results, however
have been quite clear.

Apologizes for not having written sooner.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Evolving Cognizance

Do you remember
before you arrived...

and consented
to be tied
bounded and
blind

the truths
you lived and
understood with
every
action of existence?

Did you forget them
in the black cell
you push and shuffle
pull and hustle
calling... calling... calling...

Now is here
where you take
empty things
make you feel
surrounded
alone
grounded
muddy sticks
humming for space

but you're smiling when
you shed them
and remember
open midnight
swimming waters
...
dance
trance
dance
trance
intoxicating
fires
fields
simple stars
simple wisdom

you are free
where you have
no things
and are content
until the dawn
the binds
the black cell
calling... calling... calling...

Laughing in a suspended moment
before the sun sings
embracing the
final moments before
calling... calling... calling...

There was a truth.
There was living.