Saturday, July 31, 2010

Around

Pride carries us through the times
when day is night and night is lonely

Purpose gives us meaning when
we forget who we are or where we are going

Music lifts us above so high
weaving our souls with the stars in the sky

Poems open hearts so deep
the thoughts and the promises we intend to keep

Dreams allow us to escape
freely we begin to explore

Fears demonstrate created boundaries
stretch them, break them, then discover more

Beauty is fleeting
and made to be admired

Ugliness is everywhere
use it and be inspired

Change is a constant motion
we must give in or die trying

Life is learning, death is a break
sometimes it's all about timing

Cry, scream, smile, laugh
live, breathe, die, rest

Curving, swirling, spin around and round
Keep going, keep being
spirals
weavings
show me what you have found

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Satisfaction

Will we ever be satisfied?

when we get
what we think we want
are we only fooling ourselves into
thinking
we are happy

or is all the suffering just
a result
of us growing
and learning how to
begin

existence without desire


contingent on another-

The pain of longing
the pain of wanting
juices entice
really are they so painful?
when from them
you learn and grow
sweetening the pot

without them
bread grows stale and boring...

And where is your pain now?
Dissatisfaction
Resent
Sacrifice
or complacency?

Will we ever be satisfied?

In the end we only have
ourselves
In the beginning we only had
ourselves
In our lives we can only
truly
depend on
ourselves
And we had better begin to live
and forgive
for
ourselves

Know!
and only then
will we be truly
satisfied.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Sincerity

So where is the sincerity?

You see it when it serves you most
when you mean it
because you want it.

But what happens when you don't?

Do you act on your own accord
live your life
forgetting

or do you begrudgingly swallow
and for once
do for another
unconditionally?

How does the sincerity serve?-

you, and your face
or
others and your humility?

We all make the choice:
we set boundaries
and place people in and out of them.

We make judgments
and see if people pass or fail them.

We agree
feels good

We openly oppose
feels invigorating

We dissonante
feels agitated-

the itch unscratched
the phlegm in your throat

you know you nod
when your insides scream in retaliation

you know you laugh
only because of the discomfort

you know you are silent
because to disagree would cause a rift
in the soft
delicate
woven fabric
you have created your whole life
of you and your perception of being.

You want to be respected
accepted
perceived and
received

but in moments when outnumbered
do you risk being dejected
for sincerity?

Or do you continue to sink
safer and safer
away from you conscience
in the populace
in the numbers
and keep drifting?

Where is your sincerity now?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Insomnia 27

The moon
illuminates
shadows in my sky
Puffs of gray amnesia
cover
the star.
Who am I?

What am I doing?

'Go back to your roots'
I hear
But they were ripped away.

No one plants things anymore.
Only rivers of cement
Canals of cars-
Imitating mechanical
bulls

I look for yours still.

My mind won't let me sleep
Exhausted body
I think my mind is ill
and wants to take you down with it.

Full moon of emotion
spiraling spinning
my body
my blankets
my breath

Where did I go wrong?
I used to be so happy
- I still am, I still am-
But I feel more sensitive now than ever.

Before I would battle
Smile
Dance
Sing
Beat this into submission
But now
I feel everything.

Then nothing.

Where am I?
Nothing stays
We're all moving
the earth
the moon
Look at it change!
Clouds cover
rain
Sun pierces
rays

I feel manic
Grinding my teeth
Biting my nails

Am I crazy?
Is everyone just desensitized mechanical
scientific animals
with pavement for veins
and clouds for brains?
I am insane.

Depression

I think I am depressed
when I am alone
and I can think to myself
about all life has shone-
the taken, the had
and I wonder if it matters
if I should be this mad
is it worth all the chatter?
or who actually knows
and if someone does care
or am I really alone?
I think I am depressed.

I see the sad
in everyone's eyes
tears up -my soul
begins to cry
out for a connection
a remembrance
an embrace-
and outlet
an acknowledgment
I am not all a waste...

I think Im depressed
when I feel really tired
and mind starts erasing
and my thoughts seemed wired
I feel it on their face
I hear it in their eye
they wear down on their sleeve
no matter how hard we try

Running
Grinding
no escaping.
Tearing
Tiring
the whole is gaping.
Trying
Crying

it's caught me now

slowly


close. breathe.
no one knows...


I think I am depressed.