1 week.
passes by
usually the same-
people come and go
seasons change.
We attend the schedules
crunch the hours
craving sleep when waking
and craving waking while sleeping.
We measure the time
between our next responsible beer
and the intoxicated decisions
we wish we seldom
but often mis
take.
7 days.
of trudging through mundane
growing accustomed to
sets. Abiding
Giving and giving
going and doing
making and taking
here, there
circles
chasing the nightmarish tail
that America used to believe in.
168 hours.
breaks with the
awake.
Lights and minds moving
seeing, creating,
moving you.
Music smiles
and you wiggle
your insides
stirring, stretching
you've captured something...
but what?
10080 minutes.
it sings
dawn
vivid colors in the abysmal sky
fly, you cry
as your heart skips
and opens to these
sacred, precious moments
604800 seconds.
you've known it
and it's already
erased the schedule
shown you beauty and
intoxicated your sober thoughts.
You let go
you admit you don't know
and this delicate
little bud of truth
has you
on your knees,
wishing that it was still the beer
you had been waiting for...
A glimpse into some of my life experiences, realizations, or just the every day strange that occurs.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Heart Strings
Exposed delicate tiny fiber
taught between love
and fear,
humming quietly
excitedly shy
wondering how it got here.
Before it was loud
vestal, capricious delight
vibrating with life
voracious for lust
never lost it's appetite.
And after a strapping Bow
plucked it along and
blaring augmentations
played a long
hard, sad song-
it strung out.
Now tiny fiber,
you're broken in
between
knowing and feeling.
By the right hands
you know which
strokes and beats
whistles and blows
combine to create
a symphony.
But will your audience be moved
by your quivering happy thrills?
Are they heated and chilled?
Or do they walk out
leaving the pauses
without any applauses,
hollowed and swallowed
passing passion unfulfilled?
taught between love
and fear,
humming quietly
excitedly shy
wondering how it got here.
Before it was loud
vestal, capricious delight
vibrating with life
voracious for lust
never lost it's appetite.
And after a strapping Bow
plucked it along and
blaring augmentations
played a long
hard, sad song-
it strung out.
Now tiny fiber,
you're broken in
between
knowing and feeling.
By the right hands
you know which
strokes and beats
whistles and blows
combine to create
a symphony.
But will your audience be moved
by your quivering happy thrills?
Are they heated and chilled?
Or do they walk out
leaving the pauses
without any applauses,
hollowed and swallowed
passing passion unfulfilled?
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Gypsy Woman
Gypsy woman
waves, spirals and curls
all across the maps
watch her feathers unfurl
Vibrant colors she paints
across the scintillating sky
flowing songs of exotic places
she wakes your heart to beat inside
Gypsy woman
come and briefly behold
for you cannot keep her
or the stories she told
Wandering lady
leaves free to roam
breaking your heart
when the seasons grow cold
waves, spirals and curls
all across the maps
watch her feathers unfurl
Vibrant colors she paints
across the scintillating sky
flowing songs of exotic places
she wakes your heart to beat inside
Gypsy woman
come and briefly behold
for you cannot keep her
or the stories she told
Wandering lady
leaves free to roam
breaking your heart
when the seasons grow cold
Shy Love
Here it is
the quivering dizzy little butterfly
the nauseous playful self
consciousness
that always
never hit before.
The stumbling alphabet
pouring from the top
broken violin strings of
the sweetest song you almost heard
forming in the pitiful of your
stomach.
Here it is
the mark of the prick
that drew red hot from ice
that cried green from gray
December falls
submits to the good graces
of a promised Eden.
The smirking scared bites
lip fulls of butterfly kisses
sensing the coagulation of
chemistry boiling below
wishing that these moments
suspended
while words were left
uninterrupted.
Frost heaves
slippery
clear
sweet
desire to hold you all night.
the quivering dizzy little butterfly
the nauseous playful self
consciousness
that always
never hit before.
The stumbling alphabet
pouring from the top
broken violin strings of
the sweetest song you almost heard
forming in the pitiful of your
stomach.
Here it is
the mark of the prick
that drew red hot from ice
that cried green from gray
December falls
submits to the good graces
of a promised Eden.
The smirking scared bites
lip fulls of butterfly kisses
sensing the coagulation of
chemistry boiling below
wishing that these moments
suspended
while words were left
uninterrupted.
Frost heaves
slippery
clear
sweet
desire to hold you all night.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Exploration
fingertips stretch
grasping for
gasping for
soft, pale
flesh
hands molding
body
into shapes
ripe and waiting
for embrace
breathe.
chilly drips tingle
hot frost raises up
the skin
the waves of her
her flawless back
now you're in deep
hard body
and she aches
sacrificing
fuzzy peach skin
opens its fruits
revealing it's juices
dive into her waves
and taste the intoxicating essence
so she wakes
and blooms
cooing petals
biting
soft pale flesh.
grasping for
gasping for
soft, pale
flesh
hands molding
body
into shapes
ripe and waiting
for embrace
breathe.
chilly drips tingle
hot frost raises up
the skin
the waves of her
her flawless back
now you're in deep
hard body
and she aches
sacrificing
fuzzy peach skin
opens its fruits
revealing it's juices
dive into her waves
and taste the intoxicating essence
so she wakes
and blooms
cooing petals
biting
soft pale flesh.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Bodies and Machines
Animals
armed with scales and skin,
feathers and bones
alive
equipped with blood, brains
lungs and hearts.
Warmth
touch
sensation
elation
emotions
thoughts
interactions
words
Survive
Instincts
Basic needs
Birthrights
Animals evolve
create, copulate
urges to expand, grow, inflate
Primate
Human
sentient, aware
separate but equal
above all others
we are
the heirs
infected
fighting
the fittest
expectations
entitlement
greed
money, consumption, power
war bomb
disassembling, deconstructing
bodies
GodScience
white light,
light white
white. white. white.
bright exposure
making bodies transparent x-rays
purifying
computers
dissecting
bodies
no questions
no thoughts
no feelings
no sentiments
just mechanical bodies
well functioning
oiled machines
Androids
armed with scales and skin,
feathers and bones
alive
equipped with blood, brains
lungs and hearts.
Warmth
touch
sensation
elation
emotions
thoughts
interactions
words
Survive
Instincts
Basic needs
Birthrights
Animals evolve
create, copulate
urges to expand, grow, inflate
Primate
Human
sentient, aware
separate but equal
above all others
we are
the heirs
infected
fighting
the fittest
expectations
entitlement
greed
money, consumption, power
war bomb
disassembling, deconstructing
bodies
GodScience
white light,
light white
white. white. white.
bright exposure
making bodies transparent x-rays
purifying
computers
dissecting
bodies
no questions
no thoughts
no feelings
no sentiments
just mechanical bodies
well functioning
oiled machines
Androids
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
I Wanted to Wait
For you
I would have done anything
passed the end
stopped at the beginning
Reoccurring words to One who listens.
These words
which always seem to fail me
in these ever passing
ever present
moments of feeling and reason,
It is with these words
that I try in vain
to extend
an apology
an explanation
and end my curse
of ice-olation:
I held on
and I clenched
unknowing of my intensity
unaware of my smothering
I fought
because I believed in You
deeply
because it felt so true
And I see how
now
these acts and fits
of rage and passion
brought out by
both of our actions
drove us
into dark unfathomability.
And I realize
that I cannot take away
past reactions
broken relations
cutting words
or manic situations.
All I can do is show
that I loved
that I learned
that I got burned
I embrace each new day
and every painful mistake
that had You in it.
I wanted to tell You
I want You to know too, that
I wanted to wait.
I wanted
to wait
to wait
wait
now it's too late.
I would have done anything
passed the end
stopped at the beginning
Reoccurring words to One who listens.
These words
which always seem to fail me
in these ever passing
ever present
moments of feeling and reason,
It is with these words
that I try in vain
to extend
an apology
an explanation
and end my curse
of ice-olation:
I held on
and I clenched
unknowing of my intensity
unaware of my smothering
I fought
because I believed in You
deeply
because it felt so true
And I see how
now
these acts and fits
of rage and passion
brought out by
both of our actions
drove us
into dark unfathomability.
And I realize
that I cannot take away
past reactions
broken relations
cutting words
or manic situations.
All I can do is show
that I loved
that I learned
that I got burned
I embrace each new day
and every painful mistake
that had You in it.
I wanted to tell You
I want You to know too, that
I wanted to wait.
I wanted
to wait
to wait
wait
now it's too late.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Twenty-four and Counting
When I stop
waking, talking, moving, proving
going, doing, working,
consuming, fuming
trying, crying, prying
asking and why-ing
When I stop
analyzing, criticizing
moving my hair, here and over there
putting on, and taking off
hiding, sighing, and occupying
to think
of my life
instead
not what I should
or I would
or any of the contractual obligations
that we sign with birth
of tribulations
expectations
that overwhelm
our self worth
if I think of my life
and all these
magnificent
magnificent
magnificent
people
I think of
how much I stretch
how much I did
and of my success
it is here I realize
even just a mutual smile
with a stranger
makes this life
that much more worth while.
Life is not measurable by what you need to do.
Life is not linear.
Life is everyone and everything that comes to influence you.
And so far, I would have to say that my life has been a success.
waking, talking, moving, proving
going, doing, working,
consuming, fuming
trying, crying, prying
asking and why-ing
When I stop
analyzing, criticizing
moving my hair, here and over there
putting on, and taking off
hiding, sighing, and occupying
to think
of my life
instead
not what I should
or I would
or any of the contractual obligations
that we sign with birth
of tribulations
expectations
that overwhelm
our self worth
if I think of my life
and all these
magnificent
magnificent
magnificent
people
I think of
how much I stretch
how much I did
and of my success
it is here I realize
even just a mutual smile
with a stranger
makes this life
that much more worth while.
Life is not measurable by what you need to do.
Life is not linear.
Life is everyone and everything that comes to influence you.
And so far, I would have to say that my life has been a success.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
I am Me
I am here.
I am not under you
I am not over you
I am not inside
or out.
I am where I am.
I am who I am.
You cannot take me
as my moments of doubts.
I am whole
parts rearranging
ever so changing
sometimes I feel
with
or without.
But at the end of the day
I am the last one
I am the first one
I am the one who makes it okay
I am me, always
without a doubt.
I am not under you
I am not over you
I am not inside
or out.
I am where I am.
I am who I am.
You cannot take me
as my moments of doubts.
I am whole
parts rearranging
ever so changing
sometimes I feel
with
or without.
But at the end of the day
I am the last one
I am the first one
I am the one who makes it okay
I am me, always
without a doubt.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
This is Not About You
Boy oh boy
I see you from a far
we exchanged some glances
and yes maybe there are chances
between the spaces in our conversation
where you thought
of fucking me.
And boy oh boy
I know it's not a stretch
to have you come and confess
that you had 'such a great time' or
that you would really 'love to call me'
when I know that your lines
are rehearsed game.
Boy oh boy
you sure can talk
and you know you got it
with that smile, that walk,
that caress, that stare
you put on that charm
makes a girl want to take off her underwear
but
Boy oh boy
I think it's lame
that when I cut through that game
and speak it
straight
that you can't play.
So you plan the escape
because you got what you wanted
and the morning's going to come
you did too,
boy I hope you weren't the only one.
Now the bed feels too small
and you stopped thinking
with your little balls
at least about this room
at least about this dame
oh boy oh boy
it's enough to drive her insane.
Where oh where is a man
oh man?
or someone to explain to me
so I might understand...
Perhaps
this time
it
is better left
Unfinished.
I see you from a far
we exchanged some glances
and yes maybe there are chances
between the spaces in our conversation
where you thought
of fucking me.
And boy oh boy
I know it's not a stretch
to have you come and confess
that you had 'such a great time' or
that you would really 'love to call me'
when I know that your lines
are rehearsed game.
Boy oh boy
you sure can talk
and you know you got it
with that smile, that walk,
that caress, that stare
you put on that charm
makes a girl want to take off her underwear
but
Boy oh boy
I think it's lame
that when I cut through that game
and speak it
straight
that you can't play.
So you plan the escape
because you got what you wanted
and the morning's going to come
you did too,
boy I hope you weren't the only one.
Now the bed feels too small
and you stopped thinking
with your little balls
at least about this room
at least about this dame
oh boy oh boy
it's enough to drive her insane.
Where oh where is a man
oh man?
or someone to explain to me
so I might understand...
Perhaps
this time
it
is better left
Unfinished.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Dirty Little Tricks
Smoke
filled the room.
Dust layered
artifacts collect
accumulate.
The spaces
where I felt
most naked
porcelain
sacred
are now wrapped
in a dark mist.
Breathe deep.
Cough for me.
My fire's out
and I'm Looking
for the window
where I can vent.
Your door is locked.
Exhaust leaking in
which I wanted to mend
and I tried to defend
but they just left me breathless.
You appear Houdini
and just as easily
puff into a cloud.
My breeze is no match
to clear this place.
Smeared carbon
remaining
your silence
keeps staining,
it will not allow me the fresh air.
filled the room.
Dust layered
artifacts collect
accumulate.
The spaces
where I felt
most naked
porcelain
sacred
are now wrapped
in a dark mist.
Breathe deep.
Cough for me.
My fire's out
and I'm Looking
for the window
where I can vent.
Your door is locked.
Exhaust leaking in
which I wanted to mend
and I tried to defend
but they just left me breathless.
You appear Houdini
and just as easily
puff into a cloud.
My breeze is no match
to clear this place.
Smeared carbon
remaining
your silence
keeps staining,
it will not allow me the fresh air.
Falling
The desire to fall
resonates so strongly
echoing
live callings
from the past
return the long
achings for tomorrow
Like waves
weaving
in every aspect
of waking
mixing
in all actions
of being
surrounding
the subconscious
drive
to just
plummet and dive
into
Love
the magic
the mystery
the drug
Love
the addiction
the burn
the rub
Oh
why have you forsaken
so many tortured souls
bitter
denied
stuck
Why have you driven
so many to break the mold?
Expand
producing. producing.producing.
alive
ripe
Weave
please receive
Love
give a warm embrace
Push
Catch
Bend and fold
open
grow
Take
through time
its space
eliminate tomorrow's longing
so it may stop calling
return to the past
make it again
so may believe
so may see
Love
No stopping
it all
falls in the end.
resonates so strongly
echoing
live callings
from the past
return the long
achings for tomorrow
Like waves
weaving
in every aspect
of waking
mixing
in all actions
of being
surrounding
the subconscious
drive
to just
plummet and dive
into
Love
the magic
the mystery
the drug
Love
the addiction
the burn
the rub
Oh
why have you forsaken
so many tortured souls
bitter
denied
stuck
Why have you driven
so many to break the mold?
Expand
producing. producing.producing.
alive
ripe
Weave
please receive
Love
give a warm embrace
Push
Catch
Bend and fold
open
grow
Take
through time
its space
eliminate tomorrow's longing
so it may stop calling
return to the past
make it again
so may believe
so may see
Love
No stopping
it all
falls in the end.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Dreams and Forgetting
Sometimes
I wonder
if it was all,
the stars in your eyes
the smiles
exchanges
the icy paths
the mountain tops
the alibis,
if that one fateful night
where I was not myself
where I found you
the same
sad Sampson,
was all just a dream.
We are not friends
we can try to pretend
but we cannot speak
naturally
we cannot feel
neutrally
or perhaps dear
I should speak for myself.
Because your actions
have left me
with nothing.
So, this year
I set myself free.
This year
I will not be asking
or crying
or trying
I will see you
only in those
distant, ghostly
fading dreams
Because you are not the same
sad Sampson
I am not looking for you
and I am myself.
There will be many grateful nights
with no excuses.
There are valleys
with flowers and spring,
where I am deep down
smiling
into another
no wondering
Unconditionally.
I wonder
if it was all,
the stars in your eyes
the smiles
exchanges
the icy paths
the mountain tops
the alibis,
if that one fateful night
where I was not myself
where I found you
the same
sad Sampson,
was all just a dream.
We are not friends
we can try to pretend
but we cannot speak
naturally
we cannot feel
neutrally
or perhaps dear
I should speak for myself.
Because your actions
have left me
with nothing.
So, this year
I set myself free.
This year
I will not be asking
or crying
or trying
I will see you
only in those
distant, ghostly
fading dreams
Because you are not the same
sad Sampson
I am not looking for you
and I am myself.
There will be many grateful nights
with no excuses.
There are valleys
with flowers and spring,
where I am deep down
smiling
into another
no wondering
Unconditionally.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Hiccups
I want to let you go
I want you to know
That despite being summer, I am still freezing.
The songs still sting
And the guitar still rings
out notes that remind me of your being.
In these momentary lapses where I regress
I am put into the places
Where once you filled in these spaces
Leaving nothing
blank.
But now it's long over
and we've grown a little older
but there are some things that my heart won't let
shrink.
I want to let it go.
I want to love and grow.
But I still have this little aching.
Keeping me grounded
Still so confounded
It was a tragedy in the making.
I want you to know
That despite being summer, I am still freezing.
The songs still sting
And the guitar still rings
out notes that remind me of your being.
In these momentary lapses where I regress
I am put into the places
Where once you filled in these spaces
Leaving nothing
blank.
But now it's long over
and we've grown a little older
but there are some things that my heart won't let
shrink.
I want to let it go.
I want to love and grow.
But I still have this little aching.
Keeping me grounded
Still so confounded
It was a tragedy in the making.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
I Hope I Stick
The pile
of garbage
that accumulates as we grow
of childhood treasures
of left socks
photographs
of old loves
lost or forgotten
of letters
promises
and songs
and artists
and books
and stories
and books
and books
the pile
growing higher
the more we live
the more we grow
the more we shed
the more we leave behind
Sometimes we sort
and poke through
sometimes we sulk
and bury
and sometimes
we are stained
burned
involuntarily
heavy weights
under its masses.
Out of this pile
I hope not
to be one faded
or forgotten
or crushing
no.
I hope that
I stand
out
(like you in mine)
glisten
and stick
like dawn
a good dance
a friend
like the scent of spring
humming
out amongst all the garbage
to greet you
clean
and untainted.
of garbage
that accumulates as we grow
of childhood treasures
of left socks
photographs
of old loves
lost or forgotten
of letters
promises
and songs
and artists
and books
and stories
and books
and books
the pile
growing higher
the more we live
the more we grow
the more we shed
the more we leave behind
Sometimes we sort
and poke through
sometimes we sulk
and bury
and sometimes
we are stained
burned
involuntarily
heavy weights
under its masses.
Out of this pile
I hope not
to be one faded
or forgotten
or crushing
no.
I hope that
I stand
out
(like you in mine)
glisten
and stick
like dawn
a good dance
a friend
like the scent of spring
humming
out amongst all the garbage
to greet you
clean
and untainted.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The Day Love Died
I remember the day love died
When hearts stopped bleeding
When people refused to cry
I remember asking why
"It's too dangerous", they said
"Hurts too much to try"
But why should one try to love?
When it is something so simple,
So pure
Why deny what is natural?
So beautiful,
parts of us we should explore.
"Love is complicated and complex
You give love
but might not get it next.
And what good is love
if not in return?
This is why love will hurt you and burn."
How can it be dangerous?
It inspires, smiles,
and lives without malice.
Love can create,
the opposite of hate,
an aspect of life, we should not try escape.
"It is a weapon, or a poison if you will...
Tares up you spirit, enough to kill.
If love makes us scared
it's not meant to be shared.
So now what good is your love for?
You're blind, not prepared"
No matter how hard I tried
to defend our love
They let it die
For the fear of
losing
and while refusing
empathy
and pain
Our hearts stopped bleeding
convinced of nothing to gain.
And with its last moments
the day now fulfilled,
when our hearts' murmurs
were at a stand-still,
And the frosty ice sunk
deeper inside
Love died silently
without a good bye.
When hearts stopped bleeding
When people refused to cry
I remember asking why
"It's too dangerous", they said
"Hurts too much to try"
But why should one try to love?
When it is something so simple,
So pure
Why deny what is natural?
So beautiful,
parts of us we should explore.
"Love is complicated and complex
You give love
but might not get it next.
And what good is love
if not in return?
This is why love will hurt you and burn."
How can it be dangerous?
It inspires, smiles,
and lives without malice.
Love can create,
the opposite of hate,
an aspect of life, we should not try escape.
"It is a weapon, or a poison if you will...
Tares up you spirit, enough to kill.
If love makes us scared
it's not meant to be shared.
So now what good is your love for?
You're blind, not prepared"
No matter how hard I tried
to defend our love
They let it die
For the fear of
losing
and while refusing
empathy
and pain
Our hearts stopped bleeding
convinced of nothing to gain.
And with its last moments
the day now fulfilled,
when our hearts' murmurs
were at a stand-still,
And the frosty ice sunk
deeper inside
Love died silently
without a good bye.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Apathy
So what happens when you're tired
of the work
of your friends
of the news
you got the blues
and you have nothing more to say
Feels dumb, senses numb,
dulled between waking and existing
Don't want to do it
don't want to see it
don't want to hear it
never cared too much anyways
I'm too tired to be inspired
I'd rather just have it all fade away.
of the work
of your friends
of the news
you got the blues
and you have nothing more to say
Feels dumb, senses numb,
dulled between waking and existing
Don't want to do it
don't want to see it
don't want to hear it
never cared too much anyways
I'm too tired to be inspired
I'd rather just have it all fade away.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Out for Blood
I want to
want you
so bad
and be mad
for you
but instead
I find
myself
in my head
Seeing
sighing
unwinding
wanting more
Jaded is what I am.
Faded
colors
areas shaded
dark tones
sarcasm
biting
hiding
truth abated
What is a heart for
when it lost feeling
numb
no more
Expectancy aimed
falls short
Connectivity lost
desire's well runs dry
turned off
Jaded is what they give me.
Flip me over
Grab me
Shock me
Slap me
Tell me
I am alive.
It's not all a lie
something made up
or contrived
to give meaning to our
little lives
Make believe
that's all Ive seen
I want your raw
exposed
horrible
unrefined
bleeding
That is where truth (I think)
may reside
not
The emerald jade of disgust
All about lust
Lost in mistrust
Not this time
I'm out for blood
so I can define
what the red heart is for
Bleeding is what I want to be.
Bleeding is what I want to see.
You're all alive
show me!
want you
so bad
and be mad
for you
but instead
I find
myself
in my head
Seeing
sighing
unwinding
wanting more
Jaded is what I am.
Faded
colors
areas shaded
dark tones
sarcasm
biting
hiding
truth abated
What is a heart for
when it lost feeling
numb
no more
Expectancy aimed
falls short
Connectivity lost
desire's well runs dry
turned off
Jaded is what they give me.
Flip me over
Grab me
Shock me
Slap me
Tell me
I am alive.
It's not all a lie
something made up
or contrived
to give meaning to our
little lives
Make believe
that's all Ive seen
I want your raw
exposed
horrible
unrefined
bleeding
That is where truth (I think)
may reside
not
The emerald jade of disgust
All about lust
Lost in mistrust
Not this time
I'm out for blood
so I can define
what the red heart is for
Bleeding is what I want to be.
Bleeding is what I want to see.
You're all alive
show me!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Paintiently Sleepless
Slow
Heavy movements
fat minutes
echo
suspended in a pool
of boredom
of lethargy
begins sinking
Imagination
exhausted
inspiration
is lost in
the full dark weights
below my eyes
I move
push through
saturated murky waters
deep breaths
cracking
dirty head
left asking
where it was
I was left off?
Swollen knees
burning
damp
limbs of trees
try to extend
aching
brittle
breaking
Chip by
chip
pieces
crumble
dizzy
light so
fuzzy
they tumble
Hazy
lazy
melting
no pain
body and mind
left on another plane.
Heavy movements
fat minutes
echo
suspended in a pool
of boredom
of lethargy
begins sinking
Imagination
exhausted
inspiration
is lost in
the full dark weights
below my eyes
I move
push through
saturated murky waters
deep breaths
cracking
dirty head
left asking
where it was
I was left off?
Swollen knees
burning
damp
limbs of trees
try to extend
aching
brittle
breaking
Chip by
chip
pieces
crumble
dizzy
light so
fuzzy
they tumble
Hazy
lazy
melting
no pain
body and mind
left on another plane.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Upon your Departure
Upon your departure today
which left me a little sad
because I wanted to join you
because I wanted to go too
It also left me with the thoughts
of what it is I am really doing.
I choose
Because it is my life
however
I remember
once not too long ago
How I fell in love with
not your looks
or your charm
or the vast wonderful thoughts
which are an essence of who you are
No
I fell in love with
the entirety of you.
Now, after I broke
and I spoke about
how it was my life
and what I needed to figure out
After I wandered
searching for the body
for the soul to satisfy my desires
I find myself in solitude
wanting
things I cannot have
and wondering if I was being selfish
if I had broke for wrong
and spoke out of ignorance
It is here upon your departure,
that I desire to be there
looking at your vast steady eyes of imaginative spirit
and respectfully held
safe in your arms.
But I know that there is more
much more than that
that keeps you leaving
and me staying
that keeps us silent.
I know
I wish I didn't
but I've known.
which left me a little sad
because I wanted to join you
because I wanted to go too
It also left me with the thoughts
of what it is I am really doing.
I choose
Because it is my life
however
I remember
once not too long ago
How I fell in love with
not your looks
or your charm
or the vast wonderful thoughts
which are an essence of who you are
No
I fell in love with
the entirety of you.
Now, after I broke
and I spoke about
how it was my life
and what I needed to figure out
After I wandered
searching for the body
for the soul to satisfy my desires
I find myself in solitude
wanting
things I cannot have
and wondering if I was being selfish
if I had broke for wrong
and spoke out of ignorance
It is here upon your departure,
that I desire to be there
looking at your vast steady eyes of imaginative spirit
and respectfully held
safe in your arms.
But I know that there is more
much more than that
that keeps you leaving
and me staying
that keeps us silent.
I know
I wish I didn't
but I've known.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Spring
I recognize this
as something that happeded before.
Once in my youth
when I was open and free
innocent and naieve
unafraid
I dove.
Here I am again,
never thought I would be
Aching and smiling
loving in pleasent pain.
When our eyes touch
Deep pools of forever
Intense
Infinity
I cannot breathe.
Turn me into a statue
so I can stare
at
forbidden you
forever.
Turn me into a child
so I can cry
and play dumb
deny
This is only a game
it will cause no pain...
I apologize
every time
our eyes meet
because I yearn to greet you
sweetly
softly.
So I turn,
pretending
and hold
my face,
deep breaths.
No wishing
this time,
just hold it
so in passing solitude
I can sigh.
But after
I fly
I am high.
Something stirs
inside.
I am alive.
Spring
The soft white bud of awareness
Jasmine
Daisy
Sunflower
Thank you for blooming me.
as something that happeded before.
Once in my youth
when I was open and free
innocent and naieve
unafraid
I dove.
Here I am again,
never thought I would be
Aching and smiling
loving in pleasent pain.
When our eyes touch
Deep pools of forever
Intense
Infinity
I cannot breathe.
Turn me into a statue
so I can stare
at
forbidden you
forever.
Turn me into a child
so I can cry
and play dumb
deny
This is only a game
it will cause no pain...
I apologize
every time
our eyes meet
because I yearn to greet you
sweetly
softly.
So I turn,
pretending
and hold
my face,
deep breaths.
No wishing
this time,
just hold it
so in passing solitude
I can sigh.
But after
I fly
I am high.
Something stirs
inside.
I am alive.
Spring
The soft white bud of awareness
Jasmine
Daisy
Sunflower
Thank you for blooming me.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tengo un Deseo
Tengo
un deseo
inmenso
para algo existencial
aparte de cosas
mundiales.
Estas cosas
no son importantes
para la alma.
Mi alma requiere mas
de esto
de mi
de todo.
Tengo
un quiero
para amor
de mi mismo
de mi vida
y no
de otra persona.
Quiero existir en un estado
de amor infinito.
un deseo
inmenso
para algo existencial
aparte de cosas
mundiales.
Estas cosas
no son importantes
para la alma.
Mi alma requiere mas
de esto
de mi
de todo.
Tengo
un quiero
para amor
de mi mismo
de mi vida
y no
de otra persona.
Quiero existir en un estado
de amor infinito.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Skylark
Why do I want to watch you
as humans admire birds in the sky?
Dancing, soaring, gliding
elegant marvelous creatures.
Why is it that in my youth
where I am the most heated
lit
passionate
that I must make some of the most
crucial decisions?
I feel
I burn
I desire
I burn
Why am I so dangerous
to no one else
but myself?
But if I behave
and do what Im told
I get by,
Then that light goes out
and the room grows cold
I die
Which leaves me looking
out
in your direction
for more birds
of hope
to remind me:
fly
be free
and live dangerously.
Fear is a safe,
horrible existance
but when coupled by love,
it can always be over
turned
into something
beautiful.
as humans admire birds in the sky?
Dancing, soaring, gliding
elegant marvelous creatures.
Why is it that in my youth
where I am the most heated
lit
passionate
that I must make some of the most
crucial decisions?
I feel
I burn
I desire
I burn
Why am I so dangerous
to no one else
but myself?
But if I behave
and do what Im told
I get by,
Then that light goes out
and the room grows cold
I die
Which leaves me looking
out
in your direction
for more birds
of hope
to remind me:
fly
be free
and live dangerously.
Fear is a safe,
horrible existance
but when coupled by love,
it can always be over
turned
into something
beautiful.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
To Know Love
What would you say if I told you
that I loved you at first sight
Because that moment I met you
I saw an eternity in your eyes
And I know we can never be together
and I know that it's not right
This time we'll live side by side
happy to know you in this life
What would you do if I confessed
That I miss you every day
Just for a moment, at least
and then it goes away
And I know I'm a little crazy
but there is nothing I can do
Because if I don't see you
the day turns a little blue
You inspire, awoke desire
My love grows more each day
I want to thank you deeply
Nothing more I can really say
To express the level of connection
I feel down in my bones
To know you is to love you
And I hope that is what I've shown.
that I loved you at first sight
Because that moment I met you
I saw an eternity in your eyes
And I know we can never be together
and I know that it's not right
This time we'll live side by side
happy to know you in this life
What would you do if I confessed
That I miss you every day
Just for a moment, at least
and then it goes away
And I know I'm a little crazy
but there is nothing I can do
Because if I don't see you
the day turns a little blue
You inspire, awoke desire
My love grows more each day
I want to thank you deeply
Nothing more I can really say
To express the level of connection
I feel down in my bones
To know you is to love you
And I hope that is what I've shown.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Class Divides
Where does Class come in?
I am not speaking to the class where
you have it
if you you conduct yourself in a certain manner
or how you carry yourself.
No.
I am speaking to the Class
that is,
on the surface at least,
monetarily defined.
When raised
in a certain Class
one becomes influenced
undoubtedly
to their surroundings
whether it be comfort and security
or stress and instability
and so they carry these
deposits
with them as they grow.
These deposits come to
shape
the perspectives
in which one understands the world.
No one perspective is more right
or more wrong,
but we would like to argue so.
After the deposits and perspectives
rear the individual,
and the experiences they had
(or did not have)
create ideas
explanations
justifications
and realizations
we begin to see
how they feel they fit
or incorporate themselves
into their existence.
It is here one,
if they so choose,
solidifies
and can staunchly
define
align
and divide
them self.
If one is with
and the other without
then they are both prescribed
to different teams
with different goals
and different values.
This is where Class comes in.
We do not have to be defined
by what it decides
we have autonomy.
There are some aspects
if
you look
deep enough inside
humor
taste
nostalgia
that we cannot escape.
We fear misunderstanding
and crave the familiar
but this is not a safe place.
It insulates,
complacency.
This is why Class divides.
This is why
I do not allow
my Class to decide.
I will expose myself
I am open
I will not be surprised
I will catch myself
when looking down
when looking up
and question why.
I will not expect
and I will try to accept
even when I do not agree.
I will respect
I will direct
and try to embrace my enemy.
I can change
I can grow
I can understand
I can know
I am the one who answers and decides
I see how
and disagree
with how Class
divides.
I am not speaking to the class where
you have it
if you you conduct yourself in a certain manner
or how you carry yourself.
No.
I am speaking to the Class
that is,
on the surface at least,
monetarily defined.
When raised
in a certain Class
one becomes influenced
undoubtedly
to their surroundings
whether it be comfort and security
or stress and instability
and so they carry these
deposits
with them as they grow.
These deposits come to
shape
the perspectives
in which one understands the world.
No one perspective is more right
or more wrong,
but we would like to argue so.
After the deposits and perspectives
rear the individual,
and the experiences they had
(or did not have)
create ideas
explanations
justifications
and realizations
we begin to see
how they feel they fit
or incorporate themselves
into their existence.
It is here one,
if they so choose,
solidifies
and can staunchly
define
align
and divide
them self.
If one is with
and the other without
then they are both prescribed
to different teams
with different goals
and different values.
This is where Class comes in.
We do not have to be defined
by what it decides
we have autonomy.
There are some aspects
if
you look
deep enough inside
humor
taste
nostalgia
that we cannot escape.
We fear misunderstanding
and crave the familiar
but this is not a safe place.
It insulates,
complacency.
This is why Class divides.
This is why
I do not allow
my Class to decide.
I will expose myself
I am open
I will not be surprised
I will catch myself
when looking down
when looking up
and question why.
I will not expect
and I will try to accept
even when I do not agree.
I will respect
I will direct
and try to embrace my enemy.
I can change
I can grow
I can understand
I can know
I am the one who answers and decides
I see how
and disagree
with how Class
divides.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Forgiveness
On a second glance
hindsight
higher places
better perspectives
I see
how my heart was frozen
locked
buried in snow
mourning it's death
preserving itself
for a new life.
On this new chance
beginning
conscious clean
opportunities open
like buds greeting spring
I melt.
My heart of ice sheds
tears
and listens
to the bird's song of freedom.
I unfold my fists
light enters
I tremble
not because I am scared
but because I remember
who I am
The levee breaks
wall crumbles
water washes
paralyzing venom
I move.
Air flowing
filling color
I return.
I learn.
I return.
I learn.
I forgive.
hindsight
higher places
better perspectives
I see
how my heart was frozen
locked
buried in snow
mourning it's death
preserving itself
for a new life.
On this new chance
beginning
conscious clean
opportunities open
like buds greeting spring
I melt.
My heart of ice sheds
tears
and listens
to the bird's song of freedom.
I unfold my fists
light enters
I tremble
not because I am scared
but because I remember
who I am
The levee breaks
wall crumbles
water washes
paralyzing venom
I move.
Air flowing
filling color
I return.
I learn.
I return.
I learn.
I forgive.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Afterthoughts
Perhaps once
I enjoyed the confusion
not fulling knowing
misunderstanding
pieces of puzzles
Perhaps once
it gave me a rush
gave me a thrill
made me feel alive
on my tip toes
perhaps, perhaps
I was a fool then.
Now
I find peace in clarity
in honesty
in sincerity
No encryptions
I will not look for
hidden messages
I will not take
SMALL gestures
disguised as something
innocent
I demand
at the very least
decency
respect
and the forth-righteousness
to say what it is
you truly want to say
openly
with no expectations.
Stop hiding.
I enjoyed the confusion
not fulling knowing
misunderstanding
pieces of puzzles
Perhaps once
it gave me a rush
gave me a thrill
made me feel alive
on my tip toes
perhaps, perhaps
I was a fool then.
Now
I find peace in clarity
in honesty
in sincerity
No encryptions
I will not look for
hidden messages
I will not take
SMALL gestures
disguised as something
innocent
I demand
at the very least
decency
respect
and the forth-righteousness
to say what it is
you truly want to say
openly
with no expectations.
Stop hiding.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Paper Hearts
If I walked a hundred miles,
all the way across towns
and I made it just in time to
collapse at your house
to whisper good night
to you, my sweet
would you then give
your love to me?
"No," she replied
quite incessantly.
If I worked for years
and labored for hours
waited till spring
to pick you fresh flowers
would you then
yield and say
now to you
I can give my love away?
"Flowers will die
and desires do too
this is why I will not
give my love to you"
What if I flew up high to the sky
and gathered the stars
that remind me of your eyes.
Then arranged them in your shape
and in your form
and each night for you,
had them dance and perform?
Then my darling
say it could be
that you would give
your love to me.
"With all of the dazzling presents
this world had to offer
I would have to decline
to keep my best interest in mind
even when the tone
of your voice grows softer.
You can give and say things
but they don't replace
what is necessary
for my heart's embrace.
I do not believe you are lasting or true
I will not give my heart to you."
So what would I have to do
to prove
that I wanted
a true aim
a balanced game
and a heart holding
all of your love to gain?
Dismayed and sad,
he threw up his arms
and went to turn
away from the girl, uncharmed.
But as he left
pieces started to fall
of little crumpled paper hearts
mangled and small
She bent down
and picked them up,
all and then some,
put them together
until it was one
and looked up at his silhouette,
walking away
and felt the heart beating
with her's doing the same
and she yelled out
"Wait!"
"I am holding your heart
and I feel it is mine.
Now I know,
it has been this entire time.
This is the only thing that you needed to do
for me to give up my love to you."
And if you ever see him walking
across large towns,
searching for flowers
in spring's soft ground,
or making stars dance
up high in the sky
you will know why
.
The paper heart
remains safe with her
till the day they die.
all the way across towns
and I made it just in time to
collapse at your house
to whisper good night
to you, my sweet
would you then give
your love to me?
"No," she replied
quite incessantly.
If I worked for years
and labored for hours
waited till spring
to pick you fresh flowers
would you then
yield and say
now to you
I can give my love away?
"Flowers will die
and desires do too
this is why I will not
give my love to you"
What if I flew up high to the sky
and gathered the stars
that remind me of your eyes.
Then arranged them in your shape
and in your form
and each night for you,
had them dance and perform?
Then my darling
say it could be
that you would give
your love to me.
"With all of the dazzling presents
this world had to offer
I would have to decline
to keep my best interest in mind
even when the tone
of your voice grows softer.
You can give and say things
but they don't replace
what is necessary
for my heart's embrace.
I do not believe you are lasting or true
I will not give my heart to you."
So what would I have to do
to prove
that I wanted
a true aim
a balanced game
and a heart holding
all of your love to gain?
Dismayed and sad,
he threw up his arms
and went to turn
away from the girl, uncharmed.
But as he left
pieces started to fall
of little crumpled paper hearts
mangled and small
She bent down
and picked them up,
all and then some,
put them together
until it was one
and looked up at his silhouette,
walking away
and felt the heart beating
with her's doing the same
and she yelled out
"Wait!"
"I am holding your heart
and I feel it is mine.
Now I know,
it has been this entire time.
This is the only thing that you needed to do
for me to give up my love to you."
And if you ever see him walking
across large towns,
searching for flowers
in spring's soft ground,
or making stars dance
up high in the sky
you will know why
.
The paper heart
remains safe with her
till the day they die.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Faltering
I falter-
The delicate, fine
thread to walk
between pensive
and madness
It is good to go deep
to the realms in which we sleep
and contemplate
subconscious
reason
and
life
Weave
back
and
forth
death
underneath
gone too deep
an inescapable truth
we are doomed to complete
livid and crazed
cycles of pain
ashamed
The fiber of knowledge
intoxicates
can make you insane.
It is good to think
but when you've gone to far
you lose your humanity
and forget who you are
leaving
the simplicity behind you
the sun
the reasons
and purpose that can come to
define you
Go deeper
be not afraid
think of the grandeur
imagine
exist
but do not
drown
yourself in your thoughts
go far beyond lost
obsess
and inflict
the most wicked
self loathing pain.
-Alone
The delicate, fine
thread to walk
between pensive
and madness
It is good to go deep
to the realms in which we sleep
and contemplate
subconscious
reason
and
life
Weave
back
and
forth
death
underneath
gone too deep
an inescapable truth
we are doomed to complete
livid and crazed
cycles of pain
ashamed
The fiber of knowledge
intoxicates
can make you insane.
It is good to think
but when you've gone to far
you lose your humanity
and forget who you are
leaving
the simplicity behind you
the sun
the reasons
and purpose that can come to
define you
Go deeper
be not afraid
think of the grandeur
imagine
exist
but do not
drown
yourself in your thoughts
go far beyond lost
obsess
and inflict
the most wicked
self loathing pain.
-Alone
Monday, August 9, 2010
Useless
Use
or
be used
Id rather choose
neither
I dont like
the abuse
as a fact of the matter
I would prefer, sir
to lose
all of it
My desire
if you were so kind to inquire
would be to reciprocate
integrate
love, nourish and
create
entirely
No part in your ploy
boy
not to destroy
and succumb to
your level
of inept
no tolerance
I rise
I expand
my mind
I find
no excuse
for it
yes
no
don't even try
it won't work this time
I know I'm good enough
not to take
your shit.
Useless is what it is.
or
be used
Id rather choose
neither
I dont like
the abuse
as a fact of the matter
I would prefer, sir
to lose
all of it
My desire
if you were so kind to inquire
would be to reciprocate
integrate
love, nourish and
create
entirely
No part in your ploy
boy
not to destroy
and succumb to
your level
of inept
no tolerance
I rise
I expand
my mind
I find
no excuse
for it
yes
no
don't even try
it won't work this time
I know I'm good enough
not to take
your shit.
Useless is what it is.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
The Irreplaceable Chair
We are always rearranging
the furniture
seasonal decorations
clean dishes, dirty dishes
and making room
for new
for better
for comfort.
When we get a new chair,
one of a kind
unique in all ways imaginable,
we make space-
throw out the old one
push the couch to side a little
squeeze the coffee table in the middle-
filling and removing
continuous rearrangements
for the beautiful chair.
But what happens when your new chair,
after getting settled in
with scrapes and bruises
stains and memories,
were to leave?
The room squeezed around it
and now the untouched carpet lines act
as a shadow
of the beloved chair that was once their.
Now we feel the absence
the emptiness
and we want to fix it
but how do we fill that space?
We try rearranging
move the couch in there
the coffee table over
but somehow,
when before it felt crowded
it now feels too spare.
When finagling and arrangemtents
cease to work,
we try a new approach
tell ourselves we needed a new one,
the old chair was broke
and attempt to replace
in the empty space
a new and better chair.
But at the end of the day
when we try to settle in
we miss the stains
and start to being
admitting
we miss the unique
fitting
one of a kind
irreplaceable chair.
the furniture
seasonal decorations
clean dishes, dirty dishes
and making room
for new
for better
for comfort.
When we get a new chair,
one of a kind
unique in all ways imaginable,
we make space-
throw out the old one
push the couch to side a little
squeeze the coffee table in the middle-
filling and removing
continuous rearrangements
for the beautiful chair.
But what happens when your new chair,
after getting settled in
with scrapes and bruises
stains and memories,
were to leave?
The room squeezed around it
and now the untouched carpet lines act
as a shadow
of the beloved chair that was once their.
Now we feel the absence
the emptiness
and we want to fix it
but how do we fill that space?
We try rearranging
move the couch in there
the coffee table over
but somehow,
when before it felt crowded
it now feels too spare.
When finagling and arrangemtents
cease to work,
we try a new approach
tell ourselves we needed a new one,
the old chair was broke
and attempt to replace
in the empty space
a new and better chair.
But at the end of the day
when we try to settle in
we miss the stains
and start to being
admitting
we miss the unique
fitting
one of a kind
irreplaceable chair.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Around
Pride carries us through the times
when day is night and night is lonely
Purpose gives us meaning when
we forget who we are or where we are going
Music lifts us above so high
weaving our souls with the stars in the sky
Poems open hearts so deep
the thoughts and the promises we intend to keep
Dreams allow us to escape
freely we begin to explore
Fears demonstrate created boundaries
stretch them, break them, then discover more
Beauty is fleeting
and made to be admired
Ugliness is everywhere
use it and be inspired
Change is a constant motion
we must give in or die trying
Life is learning, death is a break
sometimes it's all about timing
Cry, scream, smile, laugh
live, breathe, die, rest
Curving, swirling, spin around and round
Keep going, keep being
spirals
weavings
show me what you have found
when day is night and night is lonely
Purpose gives us meaning when
we forget who we are or where we are going
Music lifts us above so high
weaving our souls with the stars in the sky
Poems open hearts so deep
the thoughts and the promises we intend to keep
Dreams allow us to escape
freely we begin to explore
Fears demonstrate created boundaries
stretch them, break them, then discover more
Beauty is fleeting
and made to be admired
Ugliness is everywhere
use it and be inspired
Change is a constant motion
we must give in or die trying
Life is learning, death is a break
sometimes it's all about timing
Cry, scream, smile, laugh
live, breathe, die, rest
Curving, swirling, spin around and round
Keep going, keep being
spirals
weavings
show me what you have found
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Satisfaction
Will we ever be satisfied?
when we get
what we think we want
are we only fooling ourselves into
thinking
we are happy
or is all the suffering just
a result
of us growing
and learning how to
begin
existence without desire
contingent on another-
The pain of longing
the pain of wanting
juices entice
really are they so painful?
when from them
you learn and grow
sweetening the pot
without them
bread grows stale and boring...
And where is your pain now?
Dissatisfaction
Resent
Sacrifice
or complacency?
Will we ever be satisfied?
In the end we only have
ourselves
In the beginning we only had
ourselves
In our lives we can only
truly
depend on
ourselves
And we had better begin to live
and forgive
for
ourselves
Know!
and only then
will we be truly
satisfied.
when we get
what we think we want
are we only fooling ourselves into
thinking
we are happy
or is all the suffering just
a result
of us growing
and learning how to
begin
existence without desire
contingent on another-
The pain of longing
the pain of wanting
juices entice
really are they so painful?
when from them
you learn and grow
sweetening the pot
without them
bread grows stale and boring...
And where is your pain now?
Dissatisfaction
Resent
Sacrifice
or complacency?
Will we ever be satisfied?
In the end we only have
ourselves
In the beginning we only had
ourselves
In our lives we can only
truly
depend on
ourselves
And we had better begin to live
and forgive
for
ourselves
Know!
and only then
will we be truly
satisfied.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Sincerity
So where is the sincerity?
You see it when it serves you most
when you mean it
because you want it.
But what happens when you don't?
Do you act on your own accord
live your life
forgetting
or do you begrudgingly swallow
and for once
do for another
unconditionally?
How does the sincerity serve?-
you, and your face
or
others and your humility?
We all make the choice:
we set boundaries
and place people in and out of them.
We make judgments
and see if people pass or fail them.
We agree
feels good
We openly oppose
feels invigorating
We dissonante
feels agitated-
the itch unscratched
the phlegm in your throat
you know you nod
when your insides scream in retaliation
you know you laugh
only because of the discomfort
you know you are silent
because to disagree would cause a rift
in the soft
delicate
woven fabric
you have created your whole life
of you and your perception of being.
You want to be respected
accepted
perceived and
received
but in moments when outnumbered
do you risk being dejected
for sincerity?
Or do you continue to sink
safer and safer
away from you conscience
in the populace
in the numbers
and keep drifting?
Where is your sincerity now?
You see it when it serves you most
when you mean it
because you want it.
But what happens when you don't?
Do you act on your own accord
live your life
forgetting
or do you begrudgingly swallow
and for once
do for another
unconditionally?
How does the sincerity serve?-
you, and your face
or
others and your humility?
We all make the choice:
we set boundaries
and place people in and out of them.
We make judgments
and see if people pass or fail them.
We agree
feels good
We openly oppose
feels invigorating
We dissonante
feels agitated-
the itch unscratched
the phlegm in your throat
you know you nod
when your insides scream in retaliation
you know you laugh
only because of the discomfort
you know you are silent
because to disagree would cause a rift
in the soft
delicate
woven fabric
you have created your whole life
of you and your perception of being.
You want to be respected
accepted
perceived and
received
but in moments when outnumbered
do you risk being dejected
for sincerity?
Or do you continue to sink
safer and safer
away from you conscience
in the populace
in the numbers
and keep drifting?
Where is your sincerity now?
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Insomnia 27
The moon
illuminates
shadows in my sky
Puffs of gray amnesia
cover
the star.
Who am I?
What am I doing?
'Go back to your roots'
I hear
But they were ripped away.
No one plants things anymore.
Only rivers of cement
Canals of cars-
Imitating mechanical
bulls
I look for yours still.
My mind won't let me sleep
Exhausted body
I think my mind is ill
and wants to take you down with it.
Full moon of emotion
spiraling spinning
my body
my blankets
my breath
Where did I go wrong?
I used to be so happy
- I still am, I still am-
But I feel more sensitive now than ever.
Before I would battle
Smile
Dance
Sing
Beat this into submission
But now
I feel everything.
Then nothing.
Where am I?
Nothing stays
We're all moving
the earth
the moon
Look at it change!
Clouds cover
rain
Sun pierces
rays
I feel manic
Grinding my teeth
Biting my nails
Am I crazy?
Is everyone just desensitized mechanical
scientific animals
with pavement for veins
and clouds for brains?
I am insane.
illuminates
shadows in my sky
Puffs of gray amnesia
cover
the star.
Who am I?
What am I doing?
'Go back to your roots'
I hear
But they were ripped away.
No one plants things anymore.
Only rivers of cement
Canals of cars-
Imitating mechanical
bulls
I look for yours still.
My mind won't let me sleep
Exhausted body
I think my mind is ill
and wants to take you down with it.
Full moon of emotion
spiraling spinning
my body
my blankets
my breath
Where did I go wrong?
I used to be so happy
- I still am, I still am-
But I feel more sensitive now than ever.
Before I would battle
Smile
Dance
Sing
Beat this into submission
But now
I feel everything.
Then nothing.
Where am I?
Nothing stays
We're all moving
the earth
the moon
Look at it change!
Clouds cover
rain
Sun pierces
rays
I feel manic
Grinding my teeth
Biting my nails
Am I crazy?
Is everyone just desensitized mechanical
scientific animals
with pavement for veins
and clouds for brains?
I am insane.
Depression
I think I am depressed
when I am alone
and I can think to myself
about all life has shone-
the taken, the had
and I wonder if it matters
if I should be this mad
is it worth all the chatter?
or who actually knows
and if someone does care
or am I really alone?
I think I am depressed.
I see the sad
in everyone's eyes
tears up -my soul
begins to cry
out for a connection
a remembrance
an embrace-
and outlet
an acknowledgment
I am not all a waste...
I think Im depressed
when I feel really tired
and mind starts erasing
and my thoughts seemed wired
I feel it on their face
I hear it in their eye
they wear down on their sleeve
no matter how hard we try
Running
Grinding
no escaping.
Tearing
Tiring
the whole is gaping.
Trying
Crying
it's caught me now
slowly
close. breathe.
no one knows...
I think I am depressed.
when I am alone
and I can think to myself
about all life has shone-
the taken, the had
and I wonder if it matters
if I should be this mad
is it worth all the chatter?
or who actually knows
and if someone does care
or am I really alone?
I think I am depressed.
I see the sad
in everyone's eyes
tears up -my soul
begins to cry
out for a connection
a remembrance
an embrace-
and outlet
an acknowledgment
I am not all a waste...
I think Im depressed
when I feel really tired
and mind starts erasing
and my thoughts seemed wired
I feel it on their face
I hear it in their eye
they wear down on their sleeve
no matter how hard we try
Running
Grinding
no escaping.
Tearing
Tiring
the whole is gaping.
Trying
Crying
it's caught me now
slowly
close. breathe.
no one knows...
I think I am depressed.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Let Go, General
Unmovable Emotionless Force of Steel:
Why do you try to save your earth
if you know not the purpose of its fruit and flowers?
High and Ridged Isolated Controller:
you cannot solve all of the alchemy;
one day you will have to relinquish your power.
Fortitude-
Chilly winds of the noble north
that breathe through you
(and bleed through you).
You deny your existence of compassion
and flaw
You resist your completion
by denial of carnal right and law
Militant judge-
your molding clay
hardens with air and with fire.
I am the water
the giver
the movement
the undoer
your defy-er.
You are not above humanity
you forget your humble roots
you are ignorant to all beauty
you ignore the simple truths-
you are not all knowing
you are not seeing all sides
you turned your back to my corner
you have developed a blind eye.
Why do you try to save your earth
if you know not the purpose of its fruit and flowers?
High and Ridged Isolated Controller:
you cannot solve all of the alchemy;
one day you will have to relinquish your power.
Fortitude-
Chilly winds of the noble north
that breathe through you
(and bleed through you).
You deny your existence of compassion
and flaw
You resist your completion
by denial of carnal right and law
Militant judge-
your molding clay
hardens with air and with fire.
I am the water
the giver
the movement
the undoer
your defy-er.
You are not above humanity
you forget your humble roots
you are ignorant to all beauty
you ignore the simple truths-
you are not all knowing
you are not seeing all sides
you turned your back to my corner
you have developed a blind eye.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
A Friend Betrayed
What to do with a friend betrayed?
The argument unsettled
the tight knot, loose and frayed.
How to trust when the bond is broken?
No apologies, no sympathy
ignorant smiles, the issue unspoken.
What will happen when time has passed?
Does the crack mend
does it grow a gap?
Sincerity binds,
Acknowledgments stick.
Close mindedness shuts,
Selfishness splits.
What to do with a friend betrayed?
Alone you cannot meet them half way.
Collaborative efforts combine, combine
Open honesty relief, rely
Too much pressure crumbles and divides
Denial isolates and solidifies
the growing gap
the time gone by
the friend forgotten
the trust unwinds.
The argument unsettled
the tight knot, loose and frayed.
How to trust when the bond is broken?
No apologies, no sympathy
ignorant smiles, the issue unspoken.
What will happen when time has passed?
Does the crack mend
does it grow a gap?
Sincerity binds,
Acknowledgments stick.
Close mindedness shuts,
Selfishness splits.
What to do with a friend betrayed?
Alone you cannot meet them half way.
Collaborative efforts combine, combine
Open honesty relief, rely
Too much pressure crumbles and divides
Denial isolates and solidifies
the growing gap
the time gone by
the friend forgotten
the trust unwinds.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
To a Gentleman Cowboy
Gentleman Cowboy:
You took over the sunny room-
sensational darkness in my ears
the art on your walls
Painting made left un-hung
I understand why you're going West
solace
sunset
manifest
It was always about you.
the routine.
the grind.
the grit.
the bind.
only the mundane
the misery.
I saw you sinking
without your horse.
You grasped the reigns
both hands tightly
!You looked so alive!
dropping
previous engagements.
I saw you ride-
the uncomfortable, brutal, beautiful, honest films
the breaking bed
the falling stacks
your cool reserve
the growing distance
the awkward glances
our naked mouths dry of stale conversations
Then I knew
it would end.
But you did not see
over the high cups of caffeinated historical jargon
my sadness.
You could not speak
after thoughtful articulated letters
to your feelings.
I held my face like a poker card
so you can become a silhouette,
but
will you close
what you opened with music?
Or did you just want to dive in and out of me
to leave me in the solitude of your silence?
You took over the sunny room-
sensational darkness in my ears
the art on your walls
Painting made left un-hung
I understand why you're going West
solace
sunset
manifest
It was always about you.
the routine.
the grind.
the grit.
the bind.
only the mundane
the misery.
I saw you sinking
without your horse.
You grasped the reigns
both hands tightly
!You looked so alive!
dropping
previous engagements.
I saw you ride-
the uncomfortable, brutal, beautiful, honest films
the breaking bed
the falling stacks
your cool reserve
the growing distance
the awkward glances
our naked mouths dry of stale conversations
Then I knew
it would end.
But you did not see
over the high cups of caffeinated historical jargon
my sadness.
You could not speak
after thoughtful articulated letters
to your feelings.
I held my face like a poker card
so you can become a silhouette,
but
will you close
what you opened with music?
Or did you just want to dive in and out of me
to leave me in the solitude of your silence?
Monday, May 3, 2010
The Big White Elephant
Unfinished business that you cannot attend.
They did not leave a date
nor a time.
They just left-
mid conversation.
No matter where you move
or mountains you climb
or showers you take
or kisses you share
or beers you drink
or hearts you break
it is still there.
And you're not on the schedule.
Some call it baggage.
But after you sorted through them
dumped them onto others
scattered them
or lost and forgot them somewhere
you are still left-
with no appointment,
just questions,
an empty bag
and the
big
white
elephant.
So you wait
hoping it will leave
or that you wont notice it
and it shrinks,
sediments settle
until one day you cast
the first stone into still waters,
turning it brown.
Still no call.
So then you ignore it
and both feel neglected
absence, the painful reminder
angers.
You feed it,
inflate it
Yes! Maybe it will pop
and puff up like a cloud of smoke...
But it just grows so big
that you cannot move.
Still no reply.
So you try to embrace it-
wear it like a hat,
and when confronted with Them-
a mask.
It appears as a struggling smile
a intimate handshake
a skeletal hug
while you converse about anything
except the
big
white
elephant.
After that you begin to realize
that you are not invited
to the ending of this chapter.
It is closing, last call was ten minutes ago...
There is no waiting list,
there is no rescheduling.
There is no prize
no grand finale,
it ends
You are forced to make room for
and hide your
big
white
elephant.
They did not leave a date
nor a time.
They just left-
mid conversation.
No matter where you move
or mountains you climb
or showers you take
or kisses you share
or beers you drink
or hearts you break
it is still there.
And you're not on the schedule.
Some call it baggage.
But after you sorted through them
dumped them onto others
scattered them
or lost and forgot them somewhere
you are still left-
with no appointment,
just questions,
an empty bag
and the
big
white
elephant.
So you wait
hoping it will leave
or that you wont notice it
and it shrinks,
sediments settle
until one day you cast
the first stone into still waters,
turning it brown.
Still no call.
So then you ignore it
and both feel neglected
absence, the painful reminder
angers.
You feed it,
inflate it
Yes! Maybe it will pop
and puff up like a cloud of smoke...
But it just grows so big
that you cannot move.
Still no reply.
So you try to embrace it-
wear it like a hat,
and when confronted with Them-
a mask.
It appears as a struggling smile
a intimate handshake
a skeletal hug
while you converse about anything
except the
big
white
elephant.
After that you begin to realize
that you are not invited
to the ending of this chapter.
It is closing, last call was ten minutes ago...
There is no waiting list,
there is no rescheduling.
There is no prize
no grand finale,
it ends
You are forced to make room for
and hide your
big
white
elephant.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Ode to my Bed
Magic velvet carpet
Portal to the unconscious
Of stories that I barely recall.
Thrown of cotton, wood, satin
you catch my body
as it surrenders to your warm majesty
I stir at dawn.
Arms and legs wrapped in your
Rectangled-up sheets
Disgruntled,
I dive into your safe feathers
escaping morning’s harsh flashes.
Oh sacred bed
How I never want to leave.
Though I neglect to arrange you.
I hide things under you.
I drape scarves and bags over your high pillars
Still, you so faithfully wait for me all day
to return to your snug embrace.
In you, temple of plush,
I confide my deepest thoughts.
My bed, my sanctuary.
Portal to the unconscious
Of stories that I barely recall.
Thrown of cotton, wood, satin
you catch my body
as it surrenders to your warm majesty
I stir at dawn.
Arms and legs wrapped in your
Rectangled-up sheets
Disgruntled,
I dive into your safe feathers
escaping morning’s harsh flashes.
Oh sacred bed
How I never want to leave.
Though I neglect to arrange you.
I hide things under you.
I drape scarves and bags over your high pillars
Still, you so faithfully wait for me all day
to return to your snug embrace.
In you, temple of plush,
I confide my deepest thoughts.
My bed, my sanctuary.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Death
Death
You have noting to say to the living,
who ask
who talk
who laugh
who look
who take
and give and take and give.
Death
You are tears
a held hand
a harsh swallow.
The infinite equalizer
the unsolvable
Death
You who folds everything,
say nothing.
You have noting to say to the living,
who ask
who talk
who laugh
who look
who take
and give and take and give.
Death
You are tears
a held hand
a harsh swallow.
The infinite equalizer
the unsolvable
Death
You who folds everything,
say nothing.
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