Tuesday, December 14, 2010

One Week

1 week.
passes by
usually the same-
people come and go
seasons change.
We attend the schedules
crunch the hours
craving sleep when waking
and craving waking while sleeping.
We measure the time
between our next responsible beer
and the intoxicated decisions
we wish we seldom
but often mis

7 days.
of trudging through mundane
growing accustomed to
sets. Abiding
Giving and giving
going and doing
making and taking
here, there
chasing the nightmarish tail
that America used to believe in.

168 hours.
breaks with the
Lights and minds moving
seeing, creating,
moving you.
Music smiles
and you wiggle
your insides
stirring, stretching
you've captured something...
but what?

10080 minutes.
it sings
vivid colors in the abysmal sky
fly, you cry
as your heart skips
and opens to these
sacred, precious moments

604800 seconds.
you've known it
and it's already
erased the schedule
shown you beauty and
intoxicated your sober thoughts.
You let go
you admit you don't know
and this delicate
little bud of truth
has you
on your knees,

wishing that it was still the beer
you had been waiting for...

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Heart Strings

Exposed delicate tiny fiber
taught between love
and fear,
humming quietly
excitedly shy
wondering how it got here.

Before it was loud
vestal, capricious delight
vibrating with life
voracious for lust
never lost it's appetite.

And after a strapping Bow
plucked it along and
blaring augmentations
played a long
hard, sad song-
it strung out.

Now tiny fiber,
you're broken in
knowing and feeling.

By the right hands
you know which
strokes and beats
whistles and blows
combine to create
a symphony.

But will your audience be moved
by your quivering happy thrills?
Are they heated and chilled?
Or do they walk out
leaving the pauses
without any applauses,
hollowed and swallowed
passing passion unfulfilled?

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Gypsy Woman

Gypsy woman
waves, spirals and curls
all across the maps
watch her feathers unfurl

Vibrant colors she paints
across the scintillating sky
flowing songs of exotic places
she wakes your heart to beat inside

Gypsy woman
come and briefly behold
for you cannot keep her
or the stories she told

Wandering lady
leaves free to roam
breaking your heart
when the seasons grow cold

Shy Love

Here it is
the quivering dizzy little butterfly
the nauseous playful self
that always
never hit before.

The stumbling alphabet
pouring from the top
broken violin strings of
the sweetest song you almost heard
forming in the pitiful of your

Here it is
the mark of the prick
that drew red hot from ice
that cried green from gray
December falls
submits to the good graces
of a promised Eden.

The smirking scared bites
lip fulls of butterfly kisses
sensing the coagulation of
chemistry boiling below
wishing that these moments
while words were left

Frost heaves
desire to hold you all night.

Monday, November 29, 2010


fingertips stretch
grasping for
gasping for
soft, pale

hands molding
into shapes
ripe and waiting
for embrace

chilly drips tingle
hot frost raises up
the skin
the waves of her
her flawless back

now you're in deep
hard body
and she aches
fuzzy peach skin
opens its fruits
revealing it's juices

dive into her waves
and taste the intoxicating essence
so she wakes
and blooms
cooing petals
soft pale flesh.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Bodies and Machines


armed with scales and skin,
feathers and bones
equipped with blood, brains
lungs and hearts.

Basic needs

Animals evolve
create, copulate
urges to expand, grow, inflate

sentient, aware
separate but equal
above all others
we are
the heirs
the fittest
money, consumption, power
war bomb
disassembling, deconstructing

white light,
light white
white. white. white.
bright exposure
making bodies transparent x-rays

no questions
no thoughts
no feelings
no sentiments
just mechanical bodies
well functioning
oiled machines


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I Wanted to Wait

For you
I would have done anything
passed the end
stopped at the beginning

Reoccurring words to One who listens.

These words
which always seem to fail me
in these ever passing
ever present
moments of feeling and reason,

It is with these words
that I try in vain
to extend 
an apology
an explanation
and end my curse
of ice-olation:

I held on
and I clenched
unknowing of my intensity
unaware of my smothering

I fought
because I believed in You
because it felt so true

And I see how
these acts and fits
of rage and passion
brought out by
both of our actions
drove us
into dark unfathomability.

And I realize
that I cannot take away
past reactions
broken relations
cutting words
or manic situations.

All I can do is show
that I loved
that I learned
that I got burned
I embrace each new day
and every painful mistake
that had You in it.

I wanted to tell You
I want You to know too, that
I wanted to wait.
I wanted
to wait

to wait


now it's too late.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Twenty-four and Counting

When I stop
waking, talking, moving, proving
going, doing, working,
consuming, fuming
trying, crying, prying
asking and why-ing

When I stop
analyzing, criticizing
moving my hair, here and over there
putting on, and taking off
hiding, sighing, and occupying

to think

of my life

not what I should
or I would
or any of the contractual obligations
that we sign with birth
of tribulations
that overwhelm
our self worth

if I think of my life
and all these

I think of
how much I stretch
how much I did
and of my success

it is here I realize
even just a mutual smile
with a stranger
makes this life
that much more worth while.

Life is not measurable by what you need to do.
Life is not linear.
Life is everyone and everything that comes to influence you.
And so far, I would have to say that my life has been a success.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I am Me

I am here.
I am not under you
I am not over you
I am not inside
or out.

I am where I am.
I am who I am.
You cannot take me
as my moments of doubts.

I am whole
parts rearranging
ever so changing
sometimes I feel
or without.

But at the end of the day
I am the last one
I am the first one
I am the one who makes it okay

I am me, always
without a doubt.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

This is Not About You

Boy oh boy
I see you from a far
we exchanged some glances
and yes maybe there are chances
between the spaces in our conversation
where you thought
of fucking me.

And boy oh boy
I know it's not a stretch
to have you come and confess
that you had 'such a great time' or
that you would really 'love to call me'
when I know that your lines
are rehearsed game.

Boy oh boy
you sure can talk
and you know you got it
with that smile, that walk,
that caress, that stare
you put on that charm
makes a girl want to take off her underwear
Boy oh boy
I think it's lame
that when I cut through that game
and speak it
that you can't play.

So you plan the escape
because you got what you wanted
and the morning's going to come
you did too,
boy I hope you weren't the only one.

Now the bed feels too small
and you stopped thinking
with your little balls
at least about this room
at least about this dame
oh boy oh boy
it's enough to drive her insane.

Where oh where is a man
oh man?
or someone to explain to me
so I might understand...

this time
is better left

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Dirty Little Tricks

filled the room.
Dust layered
artifacts collect

The spaces
where I felt
most naked
are now wrapped
in a dark mist.

Breathe deep.
Cough for me.
My fire's out
and I'm Looking
for the window
where I can vent.

Your door is locked.
Exhaust leaking in
which I wanted to mend
and I tried to defend
but they just left me breathless.

You appear Houdini
and just as easily
puff into a cloud.
My breeze is no match
to clear this place.

Smeared carbon
your silence
keeps staining,
it will not allow me the fresh air.


The desire to fall
resonates so strongly
live callings
from the past
return the long
achings for tomorrow

Like waves
in every aspect
of waking
in all actions
of being
the subconscious
to just
plummet and dive

the magic
the mystery
the drug

the addiction
the burn
the rub

why have you forsaken
so many tortured souls
Why have you driven
so many to break the mold?
producing. producing.producing.

please receive
give a warm embrace

Bend and fold

through time
its space
eliminate tomorrow's longing
so it may stop calling
return to the past
make it again
so may believe
so may see

No stopping
it all

falls in the end.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Dreams and Forgetting

I wonder
if it was all,
the stars in your eyes
the smiles
the icy paths
the mountain tops
the alibis,
if that one fateful night
where I was not myself
where I found you
the same
sad Sampson,
was all just a dream.

We are not friends
we can try to pretend
but we cannot speak
we cannot feel
or perhaps dear
I should speak for myself.
Because your actions
have left me
with nothing.

So, this year
I set myself free.
This year
I will not be asking
or crying
or trying

I will see you
only in those
distant, ghostly
fading dreams

Because you are not the same
sad Sampson
I am not looking for you
and I am myself.
There will be many grateful nights
with no excuses.
There are valleys
with flowers and spring,
where I am deep down
into another
no wondering

Saturday, October 23, 2010


I want to let you go
I want you to know
That despite being summer, I am still freezing.
The songs still sting
And the guitar still rings
out notes that remind me of your being.

In these momentary lapses where I regress
I am put into the places
Where once you filled in these spaces
Leaving nothing

But now it's long over
and we've grown a little older
but there are some things that my heart won't let

I want to let it go.
I want to love and grow.
But I still have this little aching.
Keeping me grounded
Still so confounded

It was a tragedy in the making.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

I Hope I Stick

The pile
of garbage
that accumulates as  we grow
of childhood treasures
of left socks
of old loves
lost or forgotten
of letters
and songs
and artists
and books
and stories
and books
and books

the pile
growing higher
the more we live
the more we grow
the more we shed
the more we leave behind

Sometimes we sort
and poke through
sometimes we sulk
and bury
and sometimes
we are stained
heavy weights
under its masses.

Out of this pile
I hope not
to be one faded
or forgotten
or crushing
I hope that
I stand
(like you in mine)
and stick
like dawn
a good dance
a friend
like the scent of spring
out amongst all the garbage
to greet you
and untainted.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Day Love Died

I remember the day love died
When hearts stopped bleeding
When people refused to cry

I remember asking why
"It's too dangerous", they said
"Hurts too much to try"

But why should one try to love?
When it is something so simple,
So pure
Why deny what is natural?
So beautiful,
parts of us we should explore.

"Love is complicated and complex
You give love
but might not get it next.
And what good is love
if not in return?
This is why love will hurt you and burn."

How can it be dangerous?
It inspires, smiles,
and lives without malice.
 Love can create,
the opposite of hate,
an aspect of life, we should not try escape.

"It is a weapon, or a poison if you will...
Tares up you spirit, enough to kill.
If love makes us scared
it's not meant to be shared.
So now what good is your love for?
You're blind, not prepared"

No matter how hard I tried
to defend our love
They let it die
For the fear of
and while refusing
and pain
Our hearts stopped bleeding
convinced of nothing to gain.

And with its last moments
the day now fulfilled,
when our hearts' murmurs
were at a stand-still,
And the frosty ice sunk
deeper inside
Love died silently
without a good bye.

Monday, October 4, 2010


So what happens when you're tired
of the work
of your friends
of the news
you got the blues
and you have nothing more to say

Feels dumb, senses numb,
dulled between waking and existing

Don't want to do it
don't want to see it
don't want to hear it
never cared too much anyways

I'm too tired to be inspired
I'd rather just have it all fade away.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Out for Blood

I want to
want you
so bad
and be mad
for you
but instead
I find
in my head
wanting more

Jaded is what I am.

areas shaded
dark tones
truth abated

What is a heart for
when it lost feeling
no more
Expectancy aimed
falls short

Connectivity lost
desire's well runs dry
turned off

Jaded is what they give me.

Flip me over
Grab me
Shock me
Slap me
Tell me
I am alive.
It's not all a lie
something made up
or contrived
to give meaning to our
little lives

Make believe
that's all Ive seen
I want your raw

That is where truth (I think)
may reside


The emerald jade of disgust
All about lust
Lost in mistrust
Not this time
I'm out for blood
so I can define
what the red heart is for

Bleeding is what I want to be.
Bleeding is what I want to see.

You're all alive
show me!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Paintiently Sleepless

Heavy movements
fat minutes
suspended in a pool
of boredom
of lethargy
begins sinking

is lost in
the full dark weights
below my eyes

I move
push through
saturated murky waters
deep breaths
dirty head
left asking
where it was
I was left off?

Swollen knees
limbs of trees
try to extend

Chip by
light so
they tumble

no pain
body and mind
left on another plane.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Upon your Departure

Upon your departure today
which left me a little sad
because I wanted to join you
because I wanted to go too

It also left me with the thoughts
of what it is I am really doing.

I choose
Because it is my life

I remember
once not too long ago
How I fell in love with
not your looks
or your charm
or the vast wonderful thoughts
which are an essence of who you are


I fell in love with
the entirety of you.

Now, after I broke
and I spoke about
how it was my life
and what I needed to figure out

After I wandered
searching for the body
for the soul to satisfy my desires
I find myself in solitude
things I cannot have
and wondering if I was being selfish
if I had broke for wrong
and spoke out of ignorance

It is here upon your departure,
that I desire to be there
looking at your vast steady eyes of imaginative spirit
and respectfully held
safe in your arms.

But I know that there is more
much more than that
that keeps you leaving
and me staying
that keeps us silent.

I know
I wish I didn't
but I've known.

Friday, September 3, 2010


I recognize this
as something that happeded before.

Once in my youth
when I was open and free
innocent and naieve

I dove.

Here I am again,
never thought I would be

Aching and smiling
loving in pleasent pain.

When our eyes touch

Deep pools of forever

I cannot breathe.

Turn me into a statue
so I can stare
forbidden you

Turn me into a child
so I can cry
and play dumb
This is only a game
it will cause no pain...

I apologize
every time
our eyes meet
because I yearn to greet you

So I  turn,
and hold
my face,
deep breaths.
No wishing
this time,
just hold it
so in passing solitude
I can sigh.

But after
I fly
I am high.
Something stirs
I am alive.

The soft white bud of awareness
Thank you for blooming me.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Tengo un Deseo

un deseo
para algo existencial
aparte de cosas

Estas cosas
no son importantes
para la alma.

Mi alma requiere mas
de esto
de mi
de todo.

un quiero
para amor
de mi mismo
de mi vida
y no
de otra persona.

Quiero existir en un estado
de amor infinito.

Saturday, August 28, 2010


Why do I want to watch you
as humans admire birds in the sky?
Dancing, soaring, gliding
elegant marvelous creatures.

Why is it that in my youth
where I am the most heated
that I must make some of the most
crucial decisions?

I feel
I burn
I desire
I burn
Why am I so dangerous
to no one else
but myself?

But if I behave
and do what Im told
I get by,
Then that light goes out
and the room grows cold
I die

Which leaves me looking
in your direction
for more birds
of hope
to remind me:
be free
and live dangerously.

Fear is a safe,
horrible existance
but when coupled by love,
it can always be over
into something

Sunday, August 22, 2010

To Know Love

What would you say if I told you
that I loved you at first sight

Because that moment I met you
I saw an eternity in your eyes

And I know we can never be together
and I know that it's not right

This time we'll live side by side
happy to know you in this life

What would you do if I confessed
That I miss you every day

Just for a moment, at least
and then it goes away

And I know I'm a little crazy
but there is nothing I can do

Because if I don't see you
the day turns a little blue

You inspire, awoke desire
My love grows more each day

I want to thank you deeply
Nothing more I can really say

To express the level of connection
I feel down in my bones

To know you is to love you
And I hope that is what I've shown.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Class Divides

Where does Class come in?
I am not speaking to the class where
you have it
if you you conduct yourself in a certain manner
or how you carry yourself.
I am speaking to the Class
that is,
on the surface at least,
monetarily defined.

When raised
in a certain Class
one becomes influenced
to their surroundings
whether it be comfort and security
or stress and instability
and so they carry these
with them as they grow.

These deposits come to
the perspectives
in which one understands the world.
No one perspective is more right
or more wrong,
but we would like to argue so.

After the deposits and perspectives
rear the individual,
and the experiences they had
(or did not have)
create ideas
and realizations
we begin to see
how they feel they fit
or incorporate themselves
into their existence.

It is here one,
if they so choose,
and can staunchly
and divide
them self.

If one is with
and the other without
then they are both prescribed
to different teams
with different goals
and different values.

This is where Class comes in.

We do not have to be defined
by what it decides
we have autonomy.

There are some aspects
you look
deep enough inside
that we cannot escape.

We fear misunderstanding
and crave the familiar
but this is not a safe place.
It insulates,


This is why Class divides.
This is why
I do not allow
my Class to decide.

I will expose myself
I am open
I will not be surprised

I will catch myself
when looking down
when looking up
and question why.

I will not expect
and I will try to accept
even when I do not agree.

I will respect
I will direct
and try to embrace my enemy.

I can change
I can grow
I can understand
I can know

I am the one who answers and decides
I see how
and disagree
with how Class

Sunday, August 15, 2010


On a second glance
higher places
better perspectives

I see
how my heart was frozen
buried in snow
mourning it's death
preserving itself
for a new life.

On this new chance
conscious clean
opportunities open
like buds greeting spring

I melt.

My heart of ice sheds
and listens
to the bird's song of freedom.

I unfold my fists

light enters
I tremble
not because I am scared
but because I remember
who I am

The levee breaks
wall crumbles
water washes
paralyzing venom

I move.

Air flowing
filling color

I return.
I learn.
I return.
I learn.

I forgive.

Saturday, August 14, 2010


Perhaps once
I enjoyed the confusion
not fulling knowing
pieces of puzzles

Perhaps once
it gave me a rush
gave me a thrill
made me feel alive
on my tip toes

perhaps, perhaps

I was a fool then.

I find peace in clarity
in honesty
in sincerity

No encryptions
I will not look for
hidden messages
I will not take
SMALL gestures
disguised as something

I demand
at the very least
and the forth-righteousness
to say what it is
you truly want to say
with no expectations.

Stop hiding.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Paper Hearts

If I walked a hundred miles,
all the way across towns
and I made it just in time to
collapse at your house
to whisper good night
to you, my sweet
would you then give
your love to me?

"No," she replied
quite incessantly.

If I worked for years
and labored for hours
waited till spring
to pick you fresh flowers
would you then
yield and say
now to you
I can give my love away?

"Flowers will die
and desires do too
this is why I will not
give my love to you"

What if I flew up high to the sky
and gathered the stars
that remind me of your eyes.
Then arranged them in your shape
and in your form
and each night for you,
had them dance and perform?
Then my darling
say it could be
that you would give
your love to me.

"With all of the dazzling presents
this world had to offer
I would have to decline
to keep my best interest in mind
even when the tone
of your voice grows softer.
You can give  and say things
but they don't replace
what is necessary
for my heart's embrace.
I do not believe you are lasting or true
I will not give my heart to you."

So what would I have to do
to prove
that I wanted
a true aim
a balanced game
and a heart holding
all of your love to gain?

Dismayed and sad,
he threw up his arms
and went to turn
away from the girl, uncharmed.
But as he left
pieces started to fall
of little crumpled paper hearts
mangled and small

She bent down
and picked them up,
all and then some,
put them together
until it was one
and looked up at his silhouette,
walking away
and felt the heart beating
with her's doing the same
and she yelled out

"I am holding your heart
and I feel it is mine.
Now I know,
it has been this entire time.
This is the only thing that you needed to do
for me to give up my love to you."

And if you ever see him walking
across large towns,
searching for flowers
in spring's soft ground,
or making stars dance
up high in the sky
you will know why
The paper heart
remains safe with her
till the day they die.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


I falter-

The delicate, fine
thread to walk
between pensive
and madness

It is good to go deep
to the realms in which we sleep
and contemplate


gone too deep
an inescapable truth
we are doomed to complete
livid and crazed
cycles of pain

The fiber of knowledge
can make you insane.

It is good to think
but when you've gone to far
you lose your humanity
and forget who you are

the simplicity behind you
the sun
the reasons
and purpose that can come to
define you

Go deeper
be not afraid
think of the grandeur
but do not
yourself in your thoughts
go far beyond lost
and inflict
the most wicked
self loathing pain.


Monday, August 9, 2010


be used
Id rather choose


I dont like
the abuse
as a fact of the matter
I would prefer, sir
to lose

all of it

My desire
if you were so kind to inquire
would be to reciprocate
love, nourish and


No part in your ploy
not to destroy
and succumb to
your level
of inept

no tolerance

I rise
I expand
my mind
I find
no excuse
for it


don't even try
it won't work this time
I know I'm good enough
not to take
your shit.

Useless is what it is.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

The Irreplaceable Chair

We are always rearranging

the furniture
seasonal decorations
clean dishes, dirty dishes

and making room

for new
for better
for comfort.

When we get a new chair,
one of a kind
unique in all ways imaginable,
we make space-
throw out the old one
push the couch to side a little
squeeze the coffee table in the middle-

filling and removing
continuous rearrangements
for the beautiful chair.

But what happens when your new chair,
after getting settled in
with scrapes and bruises
stains and memories,
were to leave?

The room squeezed around it
and now the untouched carpet lines act
as a shadow
of the beloved chair that was once their.

Now we feel the absence
the emptiness
and we want to fix it

but how do we fill that space?

We try rearranging
move the couch in there
the coffee table over
but somehow,
when before it felt crowded
it now feels too spare.

When finagling and arrangemtents
cease to work,
we try a new approach
tell ourselves we needed a new one,
the old chair was broke
and attempt to replace
in the empty space
a new and better chair.

But at the end of the day

when we try to settle in

we miss the stains

and start to being


we miss the unique


one of a kind

irreplaceable chair.

Saturday, July 31, 2010


Pride carries us through the times
when day is night and night is lonely

Purpose gives us meaning when
we forget who we are or where we are going

Music lifts us above so high
weaving our souls with the stars in the sky

Poems open hearts so deep
the thoughts and the promises we intend to keep

Dreams allow us to escape
freely we begin to explore

Fears demonstrate created boundaries
stretch them, break them, then discover more

Beauty is fleeting
and made to be admired

Ugliness is everywhere
use it and be inspired

Change is a constant motion
we must give in or die trying

Life is learning, death is a break
sometimes it's all about timing

Cry, scream, smile, laugh
live, breathe, die, rest

Curving, swirling, spin around and round
Keep going, keep being
show me what you have found

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


Will we ever be satisfied?

when we get
what we think we want
are we only fooling ourselves into
we are happy

or is all the suffering just
a result
of us growing
and learning how to

existence without desire

contingent on another-

The pain of longing
the pain of wanting
juices entice
really are they so painful?
when from them
you learn and grow
sweetening the pot

without them
bread grows stale and boring...

And where is your pain now?
or complacency?

Will we ever be satisfied?

In the end we only have
In the beginning we only had
In our lives we can only
depend on
And we had better begin to live
and forgive

and only then
will we be truly

Sunday, July 25, 2010


So where is the sincerity?

You see it when it serves you most
when you mean it
because you want it.

But what happens when you don't?

Do you act on your own accord
live your life

or do you begrudgingly swallow
and for once
do for another

How does the sincerity serve?-

you, and your face
others and your humility?

We all make the choice:
we set boundaries
and place people in and out of them.

We make judgments
and see if people pass or fail them.

We agree
feels good

We openly oppose
feels invigorating

We dissonante
feels agitated-

the itch unscratched
the phlegm in your throat

you know you nod
when your insides scream in retaliation

you know you laugh
only because of the discomfort

you know you are silent
because to disagree would cause a rift
in the soft
woven fabric
you have created your whole life
of you and your perception of being.

You want to be respected
perceived and

but in moments when outnumbered
do you risk being dejected
for sincerity?

Or do you continue to sink
safer and safer
away from you conscience
in the populace
in the numbers
and keep drifting?

Where is your sincerity now?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Insomnia 27

The moon
shadows in my sky
Puffs of gray amnesia
the star.
Who am I?

What am I doing?

'Go back to your roots'
I hear
But they were ripped away.

No one plants things anymore.
Only rivers of cement
Canals of cars-
Imitating mechanical

I look for yours still.

My mind won't let me sleep
Exhausted body
I think my mind is ill
and wants to take you down with it.

Full moon of emotion
spiraling spinning
my body
my blankets
my breath

Where did I go wrong?
I used to be so happy
- I still am, I still am-
But I feel more sensitive now than ever.

Before I would battle
Beat this into submission
But now
I feel everything.

Then nothing.

Where am I?
Nothing stays
We're all moving
the earth
the moon
Look at it change!
Clouds cover
Sun pierces

I feel manic
Grinding my teeth
Biting my nails

Am I crazy?
Is everyone just desensitized mechanical
scientific animals
with pavement for veins
and clouds for brains?
I am insane.


I think I am depressed
when I am alone
and I can think to myself
about all life has shone-
the taken, the had
and I wonder if it matters
if I should be this mad
is it worth all the chatter?
or who actually knows
and if someone does care
or am I really alone?
I think I am depressed.

I see the sad
in everyone's eyes
tears up -my soul
begins to cry
out for a connection
a remembrance
an embrace-
and outlet
an acknowledgment
I am not all a waste...

I think Im depressed
when I feel really tired
and mind starts erasing
and my thoughts seemed wired
I feel it on their face
I hear it in their eye
they wear down on their sleeve
no matter how hard we try

no escaping.
the whole is gaping.

it's caught me now


close. breathe.
no one knows...

I think I am depressed.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Let Go, General

Unmovable Emotionless Force of Steel:
Why do you try to save your earth
if you know not the purpose of its fruit and flowers?

High and Ridged Isolated Controller:
you cannot solve all of the alchemy;
one day you will have to relinquish your power.

Chilly winds of the noble north
that breathe through you
(and bleed through you).
You deny your existence of compassion
and flaw
You resist your completion
by denial of carnal right and law

Militant judge-
your molding clay
hardens with air and with fire.
I am the water
the giver
the movement
the undoer
your defy-er.

You are not above humanity
you forget your humble roots
you are ignorant to all beauty
you ignore the simple truths-
you are not all knowing
you are not seeing all sides
you turned your back to my corner
you have developed a blind eye.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

A Friend Betrayed

What to do with a friend betrayed?
The argument unsettled
the tight knot, loose and frayed.

How to trust when the bond is broken?
No apologies, no sympathy
ignorant smiles, the issue unspoken.

What will happen when time has passed?
Does the crack mend
does it grow a gap?

Sincerity binds,
Acknowledgments stick.
Close mindedness shuts,
Selfishness splits.

What to do with a friend betrayed?
Alone you cannot meet them half way.

Collaborative efforts combine, combine
Open honesty relief, rely
Too much pressure crumbles and divides
Denial isolates and solidifies

the growing gap
the time gone by
the friend forgotten
the trust unwinds.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

To a Gentleman Cowboy

Gentleman Cowboy:

You took over the sunny room-
sensational darkness in my ears
the art on your walls
Painting made left un-hung

I understand why you're going West
It was always about you.

the routine.
the grind.
the grit.
the bind.

only the mundane
the misery.
I saw you sinking
without your horse.

You grasped the reigns
both hands tightly
!You looked so alive!
previous engagements.

I saw you ride-
the uncomfortable, brutal, beautiful, honest films
the breaking bed
the falling stacks
your cool reserve

the growing distance
the awkward glances
our naked mouths dry of stale conversations

Then I knew
it would end.
But you did not see
over the high cups of caffeinated historical jargon
my sadness.
You could not speak
after thoughtful articulated letters
to your feelings.

I held my face like a poker card
so you can become a silhouette,


will you close
what you opened with music?

Or did you just want to dive in and out of me
to leave me in the solitude of your silence?

Monday, May 3, 2010

The Big White Elephant

Unfinished business that you cannot attend.

They did not leave a date
nor a time.
They just left-
mid conversation.

No matter where you move
or mountains you climb
or showers you take
or kisses you share
or beers you drink
or hearts you break
it is still there.
And you're not on the schedule.

Some call it baggage.
But after you sorted through them
dumped them onto others
scattered them
or lost and forgot them somewhere
you are still left-

with no appointment,
just questions,
an empty bag
and the

So you wait
hoping it will leave
or that you wont notice it
and it shrinks,
sediments settle
until one day you cast
the first stone into still waters,
turning it brown.

Still no call.

So then you ignore it
and both feel neglected
absence, the painful reminder
You feed it,
inflate it
Yes! Maybe it will pop
and puff up like a cloud of smoke...
But it just grows so big
that you cannot move.

Still no reply.

So you try to embrace it-
wear it like a hat,
and when confronted with Them-
a mask.
It appears as a struggling smile
a intimate handshake
a skeletal hug
while you converse about anything
except the

After that you begin to realize
that you are not invited
to the ending of this chapter.
It is closing, last call was ten minutes ago...
There is no waiting list,
there is no rescheduling.
There is no prize
no grand finale,
it ends

You are forced to make room for
and hide your

Monday, April 26, 2010

Ode to my Bed

Magic velvet carpet
Portal to the unconscious
Of stories that I barely recall.

Thrown of cotton, wood, satin
you catch my body
as it surrenders to your warm majesty

I stir at dawn.
Arms and legs wrapped in your
Rectangled-up sheets

I dive into your safe feathers
escaping morning’s harsh flashes.

Oh sacred bed
How I never want to leave.
Though I neglect to arrange you.
I hide things under you.
I drape scarves and bags over your high pillars

Still, you so faithfully wait for me all day
to return to your snug embrace.

In you, temple of plush,
I confide my deepest thoughts.
My bed, my sanctuary.

Thursday, March 11, 2010


You have noting to say to the living,
who ask
who talk
who laugh
who look
who take
and give and take and give.

You are tears
a held hand
a harsh swallow.

The infinite equalizer
the unsolvable
You who folds everything,
say nothing.