Friday, September 24, 2010

Out for Blood

I want to
want you
so bad
and be mad
for you
but instead
I find
myself
in my head
Seeing
sighing
unwinding
wanting more

Jaded is what I am.

Faded
colors
areas shaded
dark tones
sarcasm
biting
hiding
truth abated

What is a heart for
when it lost feeling
numb
no more
Expectancy aimed
falls short

Connectivity lost
desire's well runs dry
turned off

Jaded is what they give me.

Flip me over
Grab me
Shock me
Slap me
Tell me
I am alive.
It's not all a lie
something made up
or contrived
to give meaning to our
little lives

Make believe
that's all Ive seen
I want your raw
exposed
horrible
unrefined
bleeding

That is where truth (I think)
may reside

not

The emerald jade of disgust
All about lust
Lost in mistrust
Not this time
I'm out for blood
so I can define
what the red heart is for

Bleeding is what I want to be.
Bleeding is what I want to see.

You're all alive
show me!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Paintiently Sleepless

Slow
Heavy movements
fat minutes
echo
suspended in a pool
of boredom
of lethargy
begins sinking

Imagination
exhausted
inspiration
is lost in
the full dark weights
below my eyes

I move
push through
saturated murky waters
deep breaths
cracking
dirty head
left asking
where it was
I was left off?

Swollen knees
burning
damp
limbs of trees
try to extend
aching
brittle
breaking

Chip by
chip
pieces
crumble
dizzy
light so
fuzzy
they tumble

Hazy
lazy
melting
no pain
body and mind
left on another plane.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Upon your Departure

Upon your departure today
which left me a little sad
because I wanted to join you
because I wanted to go too

It also left me with the thoughts
of what it is I am really doing.

I choose
Because it is my life

however
I remember
once not too long ago
How I fell in love with
not your looks
or your charm
or the vast wonderful thoughts
which are an essence of who you are

No

I fell in love with
the entirety of you.

Now, after I broke
and I spoke about
how it was my life
and what I needed to figure out

After I wandered
searching for the body
for the soul to satisfy my desires
I find myself in solitude
wanting
things I cannot have
and wondering if I was being selfish
if I had broke for wrong
and spoke out of ignorance

It is here upon your departure,
that I desire to be there
looking at your vast steady eyes of imaginative spirit
and respectfully held
safe in your arms.

But I know that there is more
much more than that
that keeps you leaving
and me staying
that keeps us silent.

I know
I wish I didn't
but I've known.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Spring

I recognize this
as something that happeded before.

Once in my youth
when I was open and free
innocent and naieve
unafraid

I dove.

Here I am again,
never thought I would be

Aching and smiling
loving in pleasent pain.

When our eyes touch

Deep pools of forever
Intense
Infinity

I cannot breathe.

Turn me into a statue
so I can stare
at
forbidden you
forever.

Turn me into a child
so I can cry
and play dumb
deny
This is only a game
it will cause no pain...

I apologize
every time
our eyes meet
because I yearn to greet you
sweetly
softly.

So I  turn,
pretending
and hold
my face,
deep breaths.
No wishing
this time,
just hold it
so in passing solitude
I can sigh.

But after
I fly
I am high.
Something stirs
inside.
I am alive.
Spring

The soft white bud of awareness
Jasmine
Daisy
Sunflower
Thank you for blooming me.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Tengo un Deseo

Tengo
un deseo
inmenso
para algo existencial
aparte de cosas
mundiales.

Estas cosas
no son importantes
para la alma.

Mi alma requiere mas
de esto
de mi
de todo.

Tengo
un quiero
para amor
de mi mismo
de mi vida
y no
de otra persona.

Quiero existir en un estado
de amor infinito.