Monday, April 8, 2013

On Letting Go

I remember the moment I saw you, Bright early morning
I had still sleepy stardust in my eyes.
Taking any opportunity of escape,
I saw wandering in my mind
a light brighter than any sun.
Little Buddha, you sat
eyes closed
and radiant.
I woke
to your light
filling the room,
stirring up my insides,
washing away the stars
to rosy smiles greeting your mornings at the door.

Upon knowing you

I cannot say I observed enough
because I was never present. The idea of you,
constructed by my imagination prematurely
and dotted with nostalgic memories, terrified me away.
The more I felt inside,
the more I ran
from me
until I could not remember who I was
or why.
So, I sat in that space and waited for answers;

Answers you could not give,
only more questions
no matter how much I insisted.

Tired of waiting, I finally found myself in that space
and decided not to suspend the inevitable.
I tore myself away, against every emotional bone and
flinching heart muscle
to explore ideas of
and growth.

You remain, Little Buddha
beckoning me to step out
in my reveries. You leave me,
Bright early morning, in my pasts,
dreams, and other intangible spaces.
I find myself there, heart full of sand slipping away like time into the void.
I want you
to know me as I am,
to feel blue infinity swirling inside me.

I feel here, now in letting go,
I may find myself
one day
naked on an island by the woods.
I will come to shore and gather the remains I sent out to sea
washed and sanded fragments of stars dancing on the water.
I will collect and stitch them together by moonlight
to the song of a singing loon. 
And in his incantation,
I will finally meet in those sunrises
a light that kisses my cheek pink
to greet each day,
and in those sunsets
a profoundness that dives into me
whispering goodnight.

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